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THE WALK WITH GOD 








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THE 

WALK WITH GOD 

BY 

JULIA WARD HOWE -^ 



Extracts from Mrs Howe's private journals j 
together with some verses hitherto {with a 
few exceptions) unpublished; and an Essay 
on Immortality entitled ^^Beyond The VeiV 



EDITED BY HER DAUGHTER 

LAURA E. RICHARDS / 




NEW YORK 

E. p. DUTTON & COMPANY 
681 FIFTH AVENUE 



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Copyright, 19 19, 
BY E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY ^ 



All Rights Reserved 



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Printed in the United States of America 



APRi4iyi'j' 'Y 

©CI.Ar)15;i30*^ 



TO 

THE CHURCH OF THE DISCIPLES, 
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS 

AND TO THE MEMORY OF 

JAMES FREEMAN CLARKE 



'^Oh! for a closer walk with God, 
A calm and heavenly frame. "^^ 

—William Cooper. 



EDITOR'S NOTE 

My mother left her journals to me, with no 
suggestion of their being published. Since, how- 
ever, the following passages may conceivably help 
and comfort other seekers of the Way, it seems 
in accordance with her spirit of love and service 
to give them to the public. I do so, trusting to 
her forgiveness if I have erred. 

A few of the extracts have already appeared in 
the "Life and Letters of Julia Ward Howe," 
and are reprinted with the kind permission of the 
Houghton Mifflin Company. For permission to 
reprint the Essay on Immortality I am indebted 
to the courtesy of Messrs. Harper and Brothers. 

It should be added that the journals are more 
or less fragmentary, and that several volumes are 
missing. 

L. E. R. 
Gardiner, Maine, 

February, IQIQ 



vu 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

The Word I 

The Journal, 1 864-1 868 3 

To Certain Missionaries 18 

The Journal, 1871-1873 19 

The Apostles 31 

The Journal, 1 874-1 879 32 

Meditation 44 

The Journal, 1 880-1 884 44 

Easter Morning Service April 75, 1884 . 47 

The Journal, 1 884-1 889 47 

All Souls 65 

The Journal, 1890 66 

Retrospects 70 

The Journal, 1891 71 

After the Women s Rally, Sept. 1891 . . 73 

Trinity Church, Boston, Christmas, i8gi . 74 

The Journal, 1892 76 

A Moment's Meditation in Cologne Cathe- 
dral yy 

At Milwaukee 79 

i8q2 80 

The Journal, 1 893-1 895 81 

1895 • • • ^^ 

A Song for the Youth of the Christian En- 
deavor Society 88 

ix 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

The Journal, 1 895-1 896 89 

The Lord's Supper 94 

The Journal, 1 897-1900 94 

igoo 103 

The Closed Gentian 107 

The Journal, 1901 108 

1901 109 

The Journal, 1902 iii 

The Journal, 1903 115 

/poj, i 116 

/poj, ii 120 

The Journal, 1904 121 

Good Friday 125 

The Journal, 1905 125 

The New Hymn 129 

The Journal, 1906 132 

At Church 133 

The Journal, 1 907-1 909 135 

To Philosophy 143 

The Journal, 1910 144 

Meditation 145 

Undated Fragments 146 

Beyond the Veil 150 

Endeavor 161 



THE WALK WITH GOD 



THE WORD 

Had I one of thy words, my Master, 
With a spirit and tone of thine, 

I would run to the farthest Indies 
To scatter the joy divine, 

I would waken the frozen ocean 
With a billowy burst of joy; 

Stir the ships at their grim ice-moorings 
The summer passes by. 

I would enter court and hovel. 

Forgetful of mien or dress. 
With a treasure that all should ask for. 

An errand that all should bless, 

I seek for thy words, my Master, 
With a spelling vexed and slow; 

With scanty illuminations. 
And an alphabet of woe. 

But while I am searching, scanning 

A lesson none ask to hear. 
My life writeth out thy sentence 

Divinely just and dear. 

Julia >Vard Howe. 



THE JOURNAL 
1864 

January 17th. I said to myself last night, 
"While there is God, there is hope." 

January 30th. This day I feel a clearer pur- 
pose than ever before to try to do every day with 
some system vi^hat vv^ill be best for all, all things 
considered. 

March i8th. Let me here put on record that 
I prefer the poorest and meanest man vj\\o has 
a moral sense and follows it, to the most brilliant 
and gallant personage who either lacks or violates 
the same. I ask nothing for my son but that he 
may keep his thought unpoisoned by inflammatory 
ideas and his heart free from that venom of 
falsity which is the inevitable companion of self- 
ishness carried to its highest power. Yet every 
man stands or falls to his own Master. We can 
only judge of what compels our approbation or 
our dis-esteem. The absolute moral value of the 
man is unknown to us. God forbid that any of 
us should be judged at our worst, even by high 
human justice. 

April iSth. Modesty is as much shown in our 
judgments of others as in our judgment of our- 
selves. 

3 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

June 1 2th. This service (of the Greek 
church) seemed very primitive in comparison 
with ours. It is a sacrifice to God, instead of 
a lesson from Him, which, after all, makes the 
difference between the old religions and the true 
Christian. For even Judaism is heathen com- 
pared with Christianity. Yet I found this very 
consoling, feeling out the varieties of religious 
development. I seemed to hear in the responses 
a great harmony in which the first man had the 
extreme bass, and the last born babe the extreme 
treble. 

September joth. My theory of Limitation 
must teach me not to lament when one pleasure, 
like that of the summer life, etc., comes to end. 
I must also particularly learn what I have so 
often enforced in writing, viz., to fall back upon 
pleasures that do not pass, at least upon satisfac- 
tions. 



1865 

March 2yth. "I am God," says the fool. "I 
see God," says the wise man. For while you are 
your own supreme, you are your own God, and 
self-worship is true atheism. 

Let us be always mindful of two things, perfec- 
tion and imperfection. The first, we worship, 
the second, we are. Law is the iron framework 
that holds the fluent universe. 

May 7th. A religion is a turning primarily to 
God for inspiration and secondarily to our fellow 
men for service. Criticism of others rarely leads 
men to reform themselves. 

May 2 1st. Let me record from my experience 
that you must never, if you wish to raise the 
moral tone of a person, dwell upon his past faults. 
You must, on the contrary, help him to lose the 
whole frame of mind of which they were a part 
and a consequence. With a person recovering 
from insanity, you would never seek to keep in 
view the evidences of his former state of mind. 
These would always tend to prolong the morbid 
action which must be broken up in order to pro- 
duce cure. Newness of heart is a good phrase. 

May 30th. Unitarianism is critical, not dog- 
matic; regulative, not constitutive. All positive 
points of belief it has in common with all other 
Christian sects. It is more important in its in- 
fluence on other sects than noticeable as a sect. I 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

value it above measure, but at the same time rec- 
ognize that the ideal church is not in one de- 
nomination, but in all. 

June Qth, Let me never go back from use to 
pleasure. If this remain only a silent passive 
prayer, it is better to keep it in this shape than not 
at all. But I believe that things will open up 
for me. 

June 20th. If men must have toys, let us 
give them cats, dogs, horses, but not women. For 
the toy usage has gone far to spoil all others. 

October 6th. The Sunday's devotion without 
the week's thought and use is a spire without a 
meetinghouse. It leaps upward, but crowns and 
covers nothing. 

I have too often set down the moral weight I 
have to carry, and frisked around it. But the 
voice now tells me that I must bear it to the end, 
or lose it forever. 



1866 

January yth. There is neither more nor less 
in God. He is absolute good, whenever we con- 
template Him, whether for a moment or a cen- 
tury. The more we contemplate Him, the more 
we enjoy of His good. But in itself it changes 
neither quantitatively nor qualitatively. The 
talents (in Christ's parable) then signify the 
multiplication of human powers by their efficient 
use. The one penny of reward symbolizes the 
divine gift which is always the same, the differ- 
ence existing in its recipients. 

January 14th. preached a sermon 

on the supremacy of Christ which made me 
cry out "Preserve us from our friends." For he 
failed to distinguish the true philosophical ele- 
ment of the identity of direction of truth which 
is absolute. In human knowledge a small pro- 
portion of such truth is mingled with a much 
greater proportion of relative truth and absolute 
error. The quantitative limitation of our knowl- 
edge docs not lower the qualitative value and ab- 
soluteness of this, its smallest and most precious 
portion. This is the leaven that leaveneth the 
whole lump. But this absolute truth is what im- 
parts dignity to its possessors, not they to it. 
Truth makes Christ great, not he it. Truth also 
made Moses and Plato great. If they had less 
truth than Christ, they were the less great. But 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

truth is none the less supreme ; and though all our 
knowledge be in itself relative and limited, the 
recognition of absolute truth is the foundation of 
human thought, and the pursuit and verification 
of this recognition makes the difference of value 
between one man and another. 

January i6th. While we are inwardly under 
the dominion of our passions and outwardly un- 
der the fear of ordinances, we are slaves both to 
law and to passion. But when our reason volun- 
tarily consents to the moral law, we are free alike 
from the outward ordinance, which is no longer 
the power that restrains us, and from the inward 
slavery of our own ungoverned impulses. Per- 
haps liberty is intelligent and voluntary obedi- 
ence. 

March nth. I have written somewhere: 
"Good is a direction — ^virtue is a habit." The 
first I still think true; the second Kant will not 
allow. ... I suppose that the victories of prin- 
ciple in the struggles of our lives require virtue. 
She does not derange good habits, but she does 
not rest in them. 

May 27th. I have little to show for the past 
year's work, having produced no work of any 
length, and read but little in public. The doc- 
trine of the seed does, however, encourage us to 
continue our small efforts. The most effectual 
quickening of society is through that small still in- 
8 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

fluence which creeps like the leaven through the 
dough. 

All religions derive so largely from the rever- 
ence paid to ancestors that I am convinced that 
this impulse of man is a very important element of 
his religious capacity and culture. The Greek 
mythologies seem to me to be made up of the 
worship of wonderful ancestors. For all that 
was distinguished in Greece claimed descent from 
god, demi-god, or hero (the trinity of Greek 
theology). Roman piety was duteous care of 
one's relatives. It follows from this that the 
disregard of parents and elders common in Amer- 
ica, is in itself an irreligious trait, and one which 
education should sedulously correct. It is a con- 
tingent, not a logical result of our institutions, 
and though generated by them tends to their 
overthrow. 

The directness of moral aims and the indirect- 
ness of moral results. In the faith in which I 
live and worship, there seems to me to be a 
straight road from the pulpit through the whole 
domain of business and politics, to the battlefield. 
One banner is carried all the way, one hymn re- 
sounds from end to end, one prayer comes from 
the preacher and is handed down and accepted 
through the ranks. But in the opposite wing, 
the path from the pulpit is devious, winding, and 
often lost. The true flag is viewed from a distance, 
poor imitations taking its place lower down, 
which deform its image more and more. And 
these in the ranks are separated from the pulpit 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

and get only symbols for truths, and repeat ob- 
servances, instead of studying out meanings. 

June jrd. Have been thinking lately that 
lust is more cruel than hate, and that luxury is 
the father of cruelty. To refuse onself nothing 
leads to sins of commission. To constrain one- 
self in nothing leads to sins of omission. From 
these naturally follow offense of the rights of 
others and neglect of duties towards them. The 
Martha and Mary of the New Testament are 
domestic types of the natural order and the moral 
order. Martha is bowed beneath the necessities 
of the one, Mary is inspired by the objects of the 
other. Theologians "are puzzled between them, 
sometimes feeling the necessity of both, and not 
knowihg how to reconcile the two. 

Sceptics do not find fault with the conception 
of a first cause, but with dogmatic insistence upon 
the ability of human authority to understand its 
features, explain its modus operandi with ab- 
solute statement, . . . where all our processes 
of thought become negative and inferential. 
The dogmatism of the church has, however, this 
excuse. Belief is a positive, doubt a negative. 
Belief is efficient, doubt abstains from all but 
destructive action. A mistaken belief compared 
to the emptiness of indifference is as plus to 
minus. Therefore, the clergy, measuring dis- 
belief against belief, assume an absolute value in 
favor of the latter, which, under these circum- 
stances, cannot be disallowed. The doubt which 

10 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

heralds in reform is not scepticism, but devout 
distrust of existing institutions and belief in prin- 
ciples which they inadequately represent. 

November nth. We must worship what Jesus 
worshiped. This was not himself. There are 
three aspects in each of us, the natural or empir- 
ical self, the ideal or rational self, and the actual 
or experimental self. The larger the develop- 
ment of the individual, the more clearly can we 
make out the three elements. This is the Three- 
hood which the human has, unavoidably perhaps, 
projected upon the divine. 

December i8th. The worship of Christ, 
however natural and useful in its time, has sure- 
ly, after a certain time, tended to distract the 
attention of people from the study of his doc- 
trine and careful following of his precepts. They 
say, "Lord, Lord," and think they have per- 
formed a religious act. 



11 



1867 

January 4th. The Individuality of Christian- 
ity is moral and intensive. It is an inward ex- 
perience, not an outward assertion. 

January gth. Thought of a good essay on the 
deceitfulness of riches, showing that the good 
rich man holds all his wealth subject to the 
demands of all who need it more than he does. 

The world is all illusion if we have not 
truth in ourselves. Virtue makes wise because 
her name implies an unending series of exper- 
iments founded on just principles. 

January 14th. Humanity itself is only rep- 
resentative, the two sexes are its two terms, the 
ideal of humanity the third, explaining and in- 
cluding the two others. Hence men and women 
are not properly compared with each other, but 
with that ideal which the two are bound to rep- 
resent, and which difference of constitution en- 
ables the man to represent in one way, the woman 
in another. Hence, in another way, the defect 
of the Pharisee's prayer. He compared himself 
with the Publican and found himself superior, 
but the Publican compared himself with the 
divine standard and found himself wanting. 
Therefore, the exercise of prayer, which in the 
one resulted in self-assertion, in the other re- 
sulted in humiliation and self-rejection, and so 
the one profited and the other did not. 

12 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

After bestirring ourselves to elect those who 
are to represent us, it becomes us to elect what 
we ourselves will represent, whether justice and 
progress, charity, mercy and effort, or sloth, lux- 
ury, and self-indulgence. For our lives are after 
all only figures of what we intend. Our repre- 
sentation can be either strenuous and sincere, or 
careless and hypocritical. Its intellectual grasp 
is measured for us by nature, its moral appro- 
priateness and efficiency is determined by our 
own will exercised at once in energy and discrimi- 
nation. 

February 6th. Freedom is God's equalizer. 

May 26th. To desire supremely ends which 
are incompatible with no one's happiness, and 
which promote the good of all — this, even as an 
ideal, is a great gain over the small and eager 
covetousness of personal desires. Religion gives 
this steadfast standard, whose pursuit is happi- 
ness. Therefore, let him who seeks religion be 
glad that he seeks the only true good, of which 
indeed we constantly fail, and yet in seeking it, 
are constantly renewed. 

November 24th. A disappointment should be 
digested in patience, not vomited in spleen. Bit- 
ter morsels nourish the soul not less perhaps than 
sweet. 

Moral philosophy begins with the fact of ac- 
cepting human life. 

13 



1868 

Wednesday, January ist. May I this year 
have energy, patience, goodwill and good faith. 
May I be guilty of no treason against duty and 
my best self. May I acquire more system, or- 
der and wisdom in the use of things. May I, 
if God wills, carry out some of my plans for 
making my studies useful to others. This is 
much to ask, but not too much of Him who 
giveth all. 

Sunday, January 26th. Some mental trou- 
bles have ended in a determination to hold fast 
till death the liberty wherewith Christ has made 
me free. The joyous belief that his doctrine 
of influence can keep me from all that I should 
most greatly dread lifts me up like a pair of 
strong wings. "I shall run and not be weary. 
I shall walk and not faint." At church the first 
hymn contained these lines: "Her fathers' God 
before her moved — " which quite impressed me ; 
for my father's piety and the excellence of other 
departed relatives have always of late years been 
a support and pledge to me of my own good 
behavior. 

Saturday, February Ist. Oh, Master, in this 
new month forsake me not. Thou knowest my 
present great need. Let me, dear Master, lose 
all but Thee, for Thou art all to have or to lose. 

Sunday, February 2nd. Church was blessed. 
Prayer and sermon equally dear. In petition 

14 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

for those we love and against temptation my 
heart equally joined. . . . My heart uplifts 
itself in hope not to be divided by any personal 
seeking from the great army of good and faith- 
ful souls. The single eye, the single love — if 
Christ has taught anything he has taught the 
necessity of purity and sincerity of aim to char- 
acter. We do not serve God w^ith the mammon 
of our own vanities and other passions. I write 
this personal record at this moment because I 
wish to remember at this time its efforts and its 
lessons. 

The thief's heart, the wanton's brow, may ac- 
company high talent and geniality of tempera- 
ment, but, thanks be to God, they need not. 

Sunday, March 2gth. I have heard the true 
word of God to-day from Frederick Hedge — a 
sermon on Love as the true bond of society, 
which lifted my weak soul as on the strong 
wings of a cherub. The immortal truths easily 
lost sight of in our every-day weakness and pas- 
sion stood out to-day so strong and clear that I 
felt their healing power as if Christ had stood 
and touched my blinded eyes with his divine fin- 
ger. So be it always ! Esto perpetual 

Monday, March 30th, Thought at break- 
fast of Christ's beautiful prayer about his dis- 
ciples, especially of the words, "I pray not that 
thou shouldst take them out of the world, but 
that thou shouldst keep them from the evil." I 

15 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

desire, my dear Lord and Master, to remember 
this prayer as if it had been made for me. I 
pray that the divine echo of yesterday s sermon 
may follow me through the week. Let me 
learn truths that I have not known before, and 
endure patiently pain that I bring upon myself. 
So Thy will be done, dear Master, and if unable 
to do it let me suffer it sincerely. 

Sunday, April I2th. A lovely Easter sermon, 
the Resurrection or going up of Christ typical of 
the raising of the soul from things sensible to 
things spiritual. ... J. F. C. (The Rev. 
James Freeman Clarke, pastor of the Church of 
the Disciples) from this sermon obviously be- 
lieves the appearances of Christ after death to 
have been fact, not a fancy. While he made it 
edifying and inspiriting to us I still feel that 
the significance of the occurrence, not its actu- 
ality, is important. I felt more hopeful and up- 
lifted than in many days past. Let me not fail 
of my Easter Resurrection, O Thou great Help 
of human hearts! 

(After a period of mental conflict) 
August 15th, 1868 

My divine Master, receive, I pray Thee, the 
thoughts and intentions of this day as the fresh 
starting towards a career of reriewed zeal and 
effort. The period just passed has left few rec- 
ords on these pages. Afflicted by its faults, I 
16 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

yet leave its sum and settlement in Thy hands. 
I only ask that from this moment I may seek with 
greater directness and pray with greater fervor, 
and that nothing may withhold me from truly 
endeavoring in energetic and useful life, wrong- 
ing no man and leaving the fulfillment of no 
duty unattempted. In the year so far past I 
have done good and also evil, of which the meas- 
ure is better known to Thee than to me. Of 
both my heart can only speak directly to Thee 
without the expression and limitation of words. 
My testimony is only that without Thee life has 
no divine moments, only poor enjoyments and 
burning recollections. But in Thy presence 
grief is changed to glory, and this presence and 
benediction I implore of Thee, not out of desert 
but out of need. O Thou unspeakable One 
who hearest my unspoken shrift, withdraw not 
Thy fatherly instruction from me, but teach me 
true and great lessons, even if bitter ones. 

So much utterance I allow my heart; now no 
more speech, but work, and true service, if I can 
find it and perform it. 



17 



1870 
(TO CERTAIN MISSIONARIES) 

Ye are they to whom Christ said, 
"Give your service for my need, 

Let your blood be fairly shed. 

Where on blood my foes must feed. 

"If the hand that guards the right 
Or the eye, your fate require. 

Yield your prowess, yield your sight 
To the all avenging fire." 

Now the scathing fire is quenched 
And your bloom is withered too, 

Torn and agonized and wrenched, 
You your halting way pursue. 

But the Highest shall requite 
All your faithfulness and love. 

Spirit powers come for sight, 

Angels' wings the lame man move. 



18 



1871 

January 20th. Had a divine glimpse this day 
between daylight and dusk of something like this : 
A beautiful person, splendidly dressed, entering 
the gay theatre, as I have often done with entire 
delight and forgetfulness of everything else, and 
the restraining hand of Christ holding me back 
in the outer darkness, the want and woe of the 
world, and saying: "The true drama of life is 
here." Oh! that restraining hand had in it the 
true touch, communicating knowledge of human 
sorrow and zeal for human service. Never may 
I escape it, to my grave! 

May 22nd. There is much controversy to-day 
as to what of truth came into the world with 
Christianity and what was already present there. 
This dispute seems to me futile so soon as it is 
carried beyond the politeness of culture, the full- 
ness of study. The elements of human nature 
were in it from the first, as we declare when we 
say that God made man in His own image. It 
had always the animal and spiritual, the selfish 
and angelic sides, but that Christianity is the re- 
ligion of peace and goodwill to all mankind, no- 
body can deny. Peace is Christian, war is 
heathen. Let those of us who choose to believe 
in Christianity remember this. There can be no 
"most Christian" butcher. No despot, temporal 
or spiritual, can represent the dogma and author- 
ity of Christ. 

19 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

June i6th. On Sunday we bring back the 
worn and dim currency of our active life to be 
redeemed by the pure gold of the supreme wis- 
dom. I bring to church my coppers and small 
pieces and take away a shining gold piece. Self 
is the talent buried in the napkin — no matter 
with how much of culture and natural capacity. 
Till we get out of self we are in the napkin. 
Hospitable entertainment of other people's opin- 
ions, brotherly promotions of their interests — 
these acts make our five talents ten in use to 
others and in enjoyment and profit to ourselves. 

June i8th. We never can have the fact of 
the Holy Catholic Church without overcoming 
the exclusive pretensions of single sects, no mat- 
ter how numerous, to be the whole of that of 
which they are only a part. This antagonism is 
kept up by the theological method of present- 
ing always the points of difference, instead of 
the points of agreement. Thus religious war, 
like military, is kept up by the sheer force of 
despotism. If the agreement on great and car- 
dinal doctrines of religion were kept in sight, the 
differences of sects would be lost sight of in their 
sympathy. Women ought to be able to help in 
this. 

Antagonisms of politics, creeds and literature. 
The murderous desire for wealth — the bandits 
of Wall Street and the Bourse. Cannot women 
intervene inj)usiness on a basis of absolute hon- 
esty? "I am not a millionaire, but I have plun- 
20 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

dered nobody. I have taken the slow and small 
percentage of honest trade." In this connection, 
a sermon on the five talents gaining other five, the 
real gain of industry. Also, "a crown incor- 
ruptible.** The civic crown of the pure citizen, 
man or woman. 

July gth. Samuel Bloomfield interprets the 
well-known text, "He that hath not, from him 
shall be taken even that which he hath," to refer 
simply to the finances of the poor, which tend 
constantly to decrease, as those of the capitalist 
tend to increase. But in the connection in which 
Christ says this, it seems to me much rather to 
apply to the use of doctrine. He who does not 
use doctrine spiritually, loses what he has, i.e., 
gets no instruction from it. Thus there is no 
spiritual possession without spiritual progress. 
Christ seems to admonish the disciples of this 
when he says that saints of old desired to see his 
time, and were not allowed to see it, i.e., human 
generations must abide the unfolding of human 
culture and civilization. Prophetic souls could 
dream of the great advances of the race, and 
dreaming, could suggest them, but they could not 
bring the desired time until the race itself was 
ready for it. 

English Christianity too muscular and too 
hard, not soft enough for the purposes of the 
human heart. On the battlefield, amid the crash 
of war, Western Christianity offers prayers to 
God that thousands of men may be slaughtered 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

and butchered. That is not the right sort of 
Christianity. 

I have pointed out the difference between the 
spirit of Christ and the dogmas of Christianity, 
between the profession of Christianity and the 
inward growth of Christ's life in the soul. I 
have said that to be a Christian means only to 
be Christ-like. 

August 14th. God is not the God of the 
dead, but of the living. "I come not to destroy, 
but to fulfill." Liberal thought fulfills. Free- 
dom can fulfill Christianity, which absolutism 
would always kill. 

August i8th. The natural unfolding of re- 
form. "His purposes will ripen fast." Provi- 
dence does not plant so as to gather all of its 
crops in one day ; first the flowers, then the fruits, 
then the golden grain. 

August 30th. "Freely ye have received, freely 
give." What I have received on this island (i.e., 
Newport, Rhode Island). What country people 
receive. What the country has received. What 
women have received. What and how we must 
give. People don't know how much they know, 
that is the secret of ignorance; don't know how 
much they have, that is the secriet of discontent. 

We must not cut the webs of Providence. 
We must disentangle them. 
22 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

September i6th. The Son of Man is come to 
seek and to save that which was lost. What the 
lost things are, which the Son of Man came to 
save. Lost values, lost jewels, scattered souls, 
darkened powers, lost opportunities. 

September 17th. Jesus said to the multitude, 
"The scribes and Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. 
All, therefore, whatsoever they bid you observe, 
that observe and do. But do not ye after their 
works, for they say and do not." Nice discrimi- 
nation between sacred authority and its minis- 
ters. Revere the doctrine, avoid the unworthy 
example. 



23 



1872 

March 31st. True religion must ever be tol- 
erant. If God speaks to me, He can also speak 
to you. Unity a thing of completeness, founded 
not upon uniformity, but upon harmony. 

April loth. Great God, do not let me desert 
Thee ! For that is the trouble. Thou dost not 
desert us, 

♦• 

April 28th. Have been thinking for some 
days of a sermon illustrating the difference be- 
tween the mechanical and the moral in human 
life. Text, "the first man Adam was a living 
soul." Uncertain whether I should include the 
next sentence or not. Many people never get 
out of the mechanism, never attain to the con- 
sciousness of freedom, which is a high moral 
fact. Circumstances and passions, things from 
without and within, administer them. They do 
not kno.v their own power over these things. 
The various mechanisms, logical, passional, etc. 
A good subject, if I can study it out. "The 
Lord said unto my Lord" might be used against 
the pretensions of birth. 

May 14th. The wind bloweth where it list- 
eth. The church is wrong in prescribing what 
people should believe. Moses and Christ did 
not do this. The church laid down the channels 
of faith, and faith forsook them. Aristocracy 
24 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

prescribed what channels nobility should run in, 
and it often forsook them. The tares and the 
wheat — the good and the evil in institutions have 
to grow together. When the good is ripe, God's 
providence destroys the tares; this about the use 
of war in bringing order and discipline: blood- 
shed and violence the tares. Now the wheat is 
ripe and we may dispense with the tares. 

(After a long absence from home) 

August 1st. Every break in our long-con- 
tinued habits shows us something to amend in 
our past lives. What do I see in mine after 
this long break? That I must endeavor to have 
more real life and more religion. The passive 
and contemplative following of thought, my own 
or other people's, must not de-energize my sym- 
pathies and my will. I must daily consult the 
Divine will and standard which can help us to 
mold our lives aright, without running from 
one extreme to another. My heart's wish would 
now be to devote myself to some sort of religious 
ministry. God can open a way for this, in which 
the spirit of my desire can receive the form of 
His will. 

August 25th. "And the whole multitude 
sought to touch him, for there went virtue out 
of him and healed them all." 

The superstition of the miraculous act instead 
of the miraculous influence. Something true in 

25 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

this impulse nevertheless. Mere hearing of the 
word is not enough. We desire personal (not 
physical) contact, with those who possess it. 
Doubtless, this high healing influence did go out 
of Jesus, but not more, I believe, on those who 
touched him than on those who did not. His 
touching them was the true point. Those whom 
his word and present influence touched, they no 
doubt were healed. How to seek and find to- 
day this personal contact with Jesus. To meet 
tlie multitude of men as he did, not for our own 
glory, but for their good. This would put us 
in his position. We might then find in our- 
selves a little of that divining power by which 
his help went straight to those who needed it 
most. We could touch Jesus at this point of 
faith and endeavor. Healing would then follow, 
in the measure of our capacity for it. 

"Woe unto you that are rich, for ye have re- 
ceived your consolation. Woe unto you that are 
full, for ye shall hunger. Woe unto you that 
laugh now, for ye shall mourn and weep." What 
are these woes? The rich are delighted with ex- 
ternal riches. The full are filled with thoughts 
and things which have no satisfaction in them. 
Those who deride the truth will weep and 
mourn its power later. 

September I2th. God knows best, who gives 

different gifts to different people. But if to 

have money, one must love it, rather let me and 

mine love and have the better things, so that, as 

26 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

a family, we pay our debts, educate our children, 
and hand down unimpaired and a little aug- 
mented our moral and spiritual inheritance. 

October ijth. Have been reading F. P. 
Cobbe's book, "Broken Lights," a book showing 
much thought, piety and study; but at times she 
falls from her high and just argument to a lame 
and false conclusion. 1 note this at the end of 
Chapter VH where she says of Christianity, "Let 
it pass away, that grand and wonderful faith." 
As well might she say, "Let arithmetic and math- 
ematics pass away." 



27 



1873 

January ist. Dear Lord, let me this year be 
worthy to call upon Thy name! 

January ijth. In childhood we regard things 
with wonder, in youth we try to seize them, in 
old age we sit and weigh them. We women 
must change our measures as well as our weights, 
must contemplate this whole three score and ten 
years and see what pattern of life will suit this, 
not cut ofiE the first twenty years and try to re- 
peat them. 

March ist. Went to Saturday Morning 
Club. Found that John Fiske had failed them. 
Was told to improvise a lecture on the spot. 
Did so. Spoke to the girls for about an hour. 
Perhaps never did better. Told them not to get 
estranged from their books till they would be 
afraid of them. The human library, which 
throws its books at you whether you will or no. 
The melancholy left by novel reading, the value 
of a little Greek, a little Latin, history, biogra- 
phy — music, the unifying power of art — the audi- 
ence at Symphony Concert goes in as many and 
comes out as one. 

April 20th. (Points noted from a sermon.) 

We are idle because we do not know what is to 

be done. How did Christ know? As a child, 

he understood the difference between his Father's 

28 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

business and other business. The loving eyes 
with which he looked upon the world made him 
wise as to its need. He expresses this in his 
words to Nicodemus, *'A man must be born 
again." We must say this to the world. Every 
generation receives its natural birth, but for its 
spiritual birth, it must labor and suffer. 

July 13th. Preached on the parable of the 
talents. "Well done, thou good and faithful 
servant." Said that self was the napkin in which 
the talent, if buried and laid away, became use- 
less and unfruitful. The envelope of self was 
at first silken, easy every way, then it hardened 
to iron, like a shirt of mail, then it became ada- 
mant, which only the sword of God's spirit can 
reach and break through. We love first our- 
selves, next our possessions. Christ had seen the 
women lament over the moth-eaten garments, the 
silver lost or stolen. He showed the treasure in 
heaven which is incorruptible. Misfortunes are 
talents, gifts, angels in disguise. If we improve 
them, we are enriched by them. "The redeemed 
shall walk there." God's angel of peace comes 
through the world, finding peace nowhere. God 
says: "Go again, look nearer, see the homes and 
hearts in which the spirit of My Christ has en- 
tered." The Angel goes again, finds peace 
springing up in many places. Isaiah's prophecy 
really to be fulfilled by the triumph of true 
Christianity. "The desert shall rejoice." 

It seems to me a wonderful thing that we to- 

29 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

day should have the power to look into the de- 
vout and transparent mind of Christ, luminous 
with spiritual knowledge and insight, to see there 
what this very world we live in was to him. He 
judged its cares, vanities, and falsehoods for us, 
near nineteen hundred years ago, and solved its 
problems with divine insight and human fore- 
sight. We are not compelled to adopt his view, 
nor indeed can we value his thoughts, unless we 
think ourselves; but oh! how much are our lives 
impoverished, if we leave him out! 

"If any man hear my words and believe not, 
I judge him not, for I came not to judge the 
world but to save the world." How, in the face 
of this, can Christians be intolerant? They are 
in haste to judge the world, rather than to save 
it. What does save the world? Love, patience, 
and wisdom, not uncharity and condemnation. 



30 



THE APOSTLES 

They pass from sight, those men of power, 
The planted seed of God's dear field. 

In martyrdom's consummate flower 
A world-renewing crop they yield. 

From lowly trade, from hours sublime 
In which they knew the Master's love, 

From prison bonds and heathen crime, 
Resistless in their calm they move. 

The heart which ran its own wild way. 
With knowledge of recorded good; 

Which tarried for the poet's lay, 

And loved, though wrong, the hero's mood, 

From all the songs of Greece and Rome, 
The joys and woes of human souls. 

Turns to the truths that overcome. 
The sacred reason which controls. 

Twelve lowly men, of little lore. 

With human fault and human faith. 

Still from their crowned service pour 
The light that triumphs over death. 

Oh! glory of man's true desert! 

The wilderness is glad of them. 
And Nature, healed of every hurt, 

Bears up the New Jerusalem. 

31 



1874 

January 31st. This month ending to-day 
seems the most hurried of my life. . . . Some- 
times I have felt as if such a life as mine was of 
no value to the owner, and oftener than before 
prayer has not seemed to bring me comfort. 

February 13th. (After a suffrage hearing at 
the State House.) . . . Spoke of our move- 
ment in the line of Peace and progress, and did 
as well as I ever did in my life. A power not 
my own seemed to hold me up, that of the anx- 
ious, earnest hearts before me, that of the truth 
upon me. I thank God for this occasion, for the 
good words of others, and for what I was able 
to do. 

March 15th. Santo Domingo. . . . Remem- 
bered my prayer on reaching this place before. 
I pray God now no less than then, that I 
may do something to deserve this great pleas- 
ure of visiting the tropics. 

March 22nd. Sunday. . . . Studied my 
sermon over a good deal. . . . My text was, 
"And you hath He quickened." Quickening of 
the spring, of the day, of the spirit. Our rude 
knocking at the door of heaven is prayer. God's 
soft whisper, at the door of our hearts. "If you 
are willing, I will come in." 

March 23rd. I lay down last evening rather 
discouraged about my sermon. There were 

32 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

many strangers at church who did not under- 
stand English . . . but this morning told 

me that the people who did understand v/ere 
much comforted. God grant that I may help 
these people (Spanish negroes) still more, and 
do something to build up education among them. 

April yth. Samana. Up early. ... I took 
the bull, and rode astride, safe, but uncomfort- 
able. . . . The schoolroom serves also for a 
chapel, and is called Bethsaida. . . . They 
asked me to read and pray. I read a part of 
the chapter, "He that entereth into the sheep- 
fold," etc. Prayed for Christ's sheep in this 
wilderness. It was a good moment. 

April 1 2th. Sunday. My first preaching at 
Samana. I had the same text as at Santo Do- 
mingo City, but another sermon. In this I 
dwelt upon the gradations of life from the first 
creation up to the Christian dispensation and 
spiritual quickening. How God first quickened 
the earth from the void, then vegetable life, then 
animal life, then man, then Christian doctrine 
and influence. Think I did pretty well. 

April igth. Sunday. Preparing for my af- 
ternoon preaching. . . . Text, "Philip said 
unto him, 'Show us the Father.' " Subject, how 
Christ showed and shows the Father. Spiritual 
insight, the constant presence, etc. 

I begin to realize what a blessed rest the time 

33 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

here has been to Chev * and to me. The very ab- 
sence of amusement has been good. It has been 
very long since I have had so much quiet work 
of the sort that builds up. Nothing that I have 
written here or anywhere gives any idea of the 
beauty of this country. It is the very sylvan tem- 
ple of God's majesty, indescribably rich and 
grand. 

April 26th. Sunday. At work on sermon, 
Matt. 25:40: "Inasmuch as ye have done it 
unto one of the least of these my brethren." 
I tried to show first, how this doctrine equalizes 
the opportunities of men for good and evil, since 
they can always do good, but neglect doing it, 
to others. Second, this great majesty of God 
which feels all good and evil done to its meanest 
creatures as done to itself. Third, this great 
championship and guardianship which God has 
to the feeble creatures of the earth. Fourth, an 
exhortation to be faithful in all human relations. 
I did not feel sure that my audience cared much 
about this sermon, but it cost me a good deal of 
work. My prayer afterward seemed to touch 
some of them. 

May 2yth. Boston. My birthday — fifty-five 
years old. Still face to face with the mercies of 
God in health and sanity, enjoying all true pleas- 
ures more than ever, and weaned from some false 
ones. 

*Dr. Howe. 

34 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

June 7th. Swarthmore College. Pleasant, 
quiet, solid Swarthmore. Here I am, in Quaker 
surroundings, whose restful simplicity is most 
congenial to me. I feel here the earnest desire 
for genuine growth and culture which founds a 
slow but sure success. I am confirmed in my di- 
vision of human energies. Ambitious people 
climb, but faithful people build. 



3S 



1875 

January 15th. If we will accept and im- 
prove the gift God gives us in ourselves, we shall 
not have room or time for envious desires. 

March 14th. On my way to the hall (Parker 
Fraternity, where she was to preach) I thought, 
**If any one asks me whether I love preaching, I 
shall reply, *Yes, if one loves child-birth/ which 
on this wise it much resembles." 

May iQth. Woman Suffrage meeting at 
Concord. . . . Was billeted on the dear Emer- 
sons, so had a glimpse of paradise. 

June 13th. (After attending a revival meet- 
ing where she heard much violent talk.) I feel 
that I must attack this creed of blood, which does 
much to keep up the cruel and sanguinary views 
of barbarous ages about God and man. Will 
take text, "Flesh and blood cannot inherit the 
kingdom of heaven." Show that Christ brought 
a new interest into the world; a new vision of 
God, the loving one; a new view of man, the 
hopeful and universal one; his death in its char- 
acter the seal to his perfect life. But we are 
saved by his doctrine, by the same spirit which 
animated his life, — we are saved by his life, not 
by his death, except as it was the necessary moral 
sequence of his life. 

36 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

July 2jrd. Must write a sermon; "Charity 
never faileth." This will probably teach me as 
much as it will teach any one. Have read from 
the lovely chapter (I Corinthians: xiii) which had 
to me a new significance — the limited and tran- 
sient character of human knowledge : "We know 
in part and we prophesy in part." Charity is 
an unending self-discipline which always looks 
and leads towards the eternal affection. There- 
fore, its triumph shall be lasting and everlasting. 

August 22nd. "We can teach no virtues we 
do not practice," occurred to me this afternoon; 
for without learning by experience how a virtue 
is acquired, how can we teach any one to acquire 
it? I thought of this in connection with the ex- 
perience of undutiful children. By the working 
of this natural cause, they will not make their 
own children dutiful. Read in Luke of the 
angel which appeared to Christ in Gethsemane, 
strengthening Him. We all see this angel when 
we say truly, "Thy will, not mine, be done." 

August 23rd. There is no hell like that of a 
selfish heart, and there is no misfortune so great 
as that of not being able to make a sacrifice. 
These two thoughts come to me strongly this 
morning. It is something to have learned these 
truths so that we can never again doubt them. 

September 12th. The Spirit seems to ask 
me always, "Shall it be my will or Thine?" and 

37 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

I say, after all my experience, "Thy will is best. 
Let it be in Thy way." 

November 25th. Thanksgiving Day. . . . 
Cannot go to church, but will thank the dear 
Father for the good that He brings even out of 
our evil. Pray earnestly never to repeat will- 
fully any act of this year which I have found to 
be an error. 



38 



1876 

Saturday, January 8th. (Her husband lying 
at the point of death.) ... I pray God not to 
leave me in utter despair, but to send me the 
Comforter, bestowed in humble hope and sor- 
rowing resolutions. Would I could die for him ! 
Since I cannot, let me live so as to honor his 
sweet and sacred memory. 

January loth. (After her husband's death.) 
I awoke at 4 130 and lay still to bear the chasten- 
ing hand of God laid upon me in severe mercy. 
. . . Some good words came to me. "Let not 
your heart be troubled," etc. "He doth not will- 
mgly afflict," etc. 

January 14th. Began my new life to-day. 
Prayed God that it might have a greatly added 
use and earnestness. 

February 8th, (After describing a memorial 
service for Dr. Howe.) There was a cheerful 
tone in the occasion which seems to me as I 
recall it truly Christian. The victory of the 
spiritual man (conscience) over the natural man 
(self and sense) seemed to unfold to us the vic- 
tory of life over death. I saw my dear com- 
panion . . . crowned with the best glory a hu- 
man soul can have. The occasion seemed to 
make it so clear what the true riches, the true 
honors are. Always to remember it, always to 

39 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

work the better for it, is very earnestly my prayer 
and desire. 

February gth. Yesterday seems to have filled 
the measure of the past. To-day I must run 
forward in the pathways of the future. My 
dear love is sometimes with me, at least as an 
energizing and inspiring influence, but how shall' 
I deserve ever to see him again ? 

May 27th. . . . Why is it that we can only 
learn of suffering by suffering? I pray God to 
make this year, if given to me at all, a useful one. 
. . . Most of all, I think God has taught me 
something of the real values of life, to wit, char- 
acter, intelligence, and true friendship, in place 
of the false idols of youth, viz. : passion, pleasure, 
luxury and ambition. 

May 28th. ... I made it my prayer that I 
might do everything required of me and fulfill 
all my own undertakings, but do nothing with 
a selfish purpose or with a view to any personal 
advantage. 

December 25th. . . . Service at Brooke Her- 
ford's church, where some sweet but rather pa- 
thetic music made me shed tears, recalling dear 
Chev, who was alive and with us a year ago. 
... I cannot be fierce against my human in- 
firmity, and the dear God, who shows it to me 
more and more, will, I trust, enable me to help 
40 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

others through my own bitter lessons, but let all 
human beings pra)^ to be delivered from ingrati- 
tude, the easiest of sins and perhaps one of the 
most dangerous. 



41 



1878 

(The journals of the next two years contain 
mostly records of travel in Europe.) 

January 5th. Rome. To-day begins my en- 
try of things noted for this year, with the prayer 
that its precious days may have a good and use- 
ful record, not only of the thoughts and studies 
which I love, but also of service rendered in the 
manifold ways which a human life truly in- 
cludes. The want of retirement and consequent 
impossibility of concentrating my mind upon 
anything has been grievous to me, so far. I shall 
try and hope to do better hereafter. 

January 17th. 
Sea, sky, and snow-crowned mountain, one fair 

world. 
Past, Present, Future, one eternity. 
Divine and human and informing soul. 
The mystic trine, thought never can resolve. 



42 



1879 

February iSth. Athens. A confused day in 
which nothing seems to go right. . . . Felt as 
if God could not have made so bad a day, — my 
day, after all (which) I made. 



43 



1880 

MEDITATION 

Why should v/e thank for Day's decline 
Who saw so glad the morning shine? 
If Spring's fair promise brings us joy, 
Doth not the Winter bliss destroy? 
We welcome Life's unfolding breath, 
How shall we sing the praise of Death? 

At morn we go, at eve we wait 
To learn the mystery of Fate. 
Must vanish all that doth appear, 
Must darken all that shineth clear. 
Must perish all that buds and grows, 
From opening day to opening rose. 

For "onward ever" is the word 
The earliest Creation heard. 
Nature shall close her written years 
With the same sentence in her ears, 
From God to God doth onward roll 
The teeming earth, the teeming soul. 

January i8th. . . . My sixty years begin to 
weigh upon me. My spirits flag, and I often dread 
the fatigue of meeting with many people. My 
natural inertia causes me to delay indefinitely 
some pieces of work that I feel to be very im- 
portant to me, such as the writing up of my 
notes of travel and the settling of my financial 

44 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

matters. I long for some hours of complete 
isolation every day, during which I might un- 
fold books, papers, etc., without fear of inter- 
ruption. I have much to enjoy, much to be 
thankful for, and very much to regret in my 
past mistakes and failures to do the right thing. 
God help me to resolve and do my best with- 
out losing all power in the discouraging retro- 
spect of so much that has been honestly erro- 
neous and of some things that may have been 
willfully wrong. God bless and help also my 
dear children and children's children. With 
these prayers I will begin my new record. 

Monday, October 4th. I have felt to-day a 
special hope and impulse in the direction of use- 
ful labor. I have in mind at present two ser- 
mons, one on Christ's saying about building the 
tombs of the prophets, of which the lesson would 
be the importance of learning from the living 
teacher and honoring him, instead of merely wor- 
shiping reputation, whether living or dead. The 
second would be upon the "Still, small voice," 
which is the voice of God; its contrast to the 
violence of passion and the fury of fanaticism. 
I would also, if I could, continue my subject of 
warning to Americans, as conveyed in my Con- 
cord and Saratoga lectures. I must also have a 
paper for the Women's Congress. 



4S 



1882 

Sunday, May 28th. Whitsunday — the be- 
ginning of my sixty-fourth year. God grant me 
this year to do only what is worth doing and to 
desire only what is worth desiring. 

My prayer for the day was to worship God, 
our Father and untiring benefactor, in spirit and 
in truth. 

January 14th. I have tried this week to do 
the things I ought to do for other people. , . . 

April 23rd. . . . My want of faith in my- 
self lessens the value of my efforts. I have 
sometimes felt the bounds of my capacity too lit- 
tle. Perhaps now I feel them too much. 



46 



1884 

April 6th. This text in the Scripture lesson 
struck me as good for a sermon: Jeremiah 
31:34 — "For they shall all know me from the 
least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the 
Lord." Subject: The democracy of Christi- 
anity. I felt as never before the grandeur and 
novelty of Christ's having show^n that the office 
of the Messiah as he conceived it, was to lift up 
the lowly and reclaim the erring and apparently 
worthless. Of course, I have heard this all my 
life, and have thought of it a good deal. What 
I saw to-day was the startling contrast between 
this view and the general ideas, not of the Jews 
only, but of Christians to-day. 

EASTER MORNING SERVICE 
April 13th. 

Shall I, for envy, sell the deep content 

Of God's dear thought, to me one moment lent? 

In that brief moment did appear to me 
So vast the riches of Heav'n's treasury 

That I no more considered that poor wealth 
Straining for which, souls lose their native health. 

April ijth. I felt this day that, in my diffi- 
culties with the anti-suffragists, the general 
spread of Christian feeling gives me ground to 

47 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

stand upon. The charity of Christendom will 
not persist in calumniating the suffragists, nor 
will its sense of justice long refuse to admit their 
claims. 

April 14th. I woke, heavy with uncertainties, 
and with much thought of my own shortcomings, 
past and present. I may say, what I rarely re- 
cord, that an earnest prayer helped me very much, 
and set me on my feet, to walk and work another 
day. 

April 20th. My usual worry and depression 
at waking. Thought sadly of errors and short- 
comings. At church, a penitential psalm helped 
me much, and the sermon more. I felt assured 
that, whatever may be my fate beyond this life, 
I should always seek, love, and rejoice in the 
good. Thus, even in hell, one might share by 
sympathy the heavenly victory. 

June 17th. Black with depression. Longing 
to give up the fight, and retire as a veteran. 

July 6th. In such peace as they only have 
who have been forced to go into turmoil for the 
sake of necessary results, and have mercifully 
come out of it. 

July 20th. ... I thought of a text for my 
next sermon. "The spirit of the Lord is upon 
me, because He hath appointed me to preach the 
gospel to the poor." 

48 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Christ twice quotes this, the second time in his 
message to John Baptist. He does not say, "The 
rulers and magnates follow me," but "to the 
poor the gospel is preached." A good point for 
me to make. 

August nth, (After preaching the sermon 
suggested above.) It m.ay be that I am losing 
my power of extempore speech. I have suifered 
great distress about this occasion, though I do not 
know that it was considered a failure. I know 
that I had intended to strike a valorous bio v 
against the wealth-worship of the time. My 
text was from Luke 4: 17: "The spirit of the 
Lord is upon me ... to preach the gospel to 
the poor." I had studied and worked at my 
sermon much more than usual, and found the 
subject much larger than it had appeared to me 
at first. Like the little Christ on the shoulders 
of St. Christopher, it seemed to weigh me down 
to the ground, though I had taken it up lightly. 
Might this be a lesson of hope, and not of dis- 
couragement ! 

... I remember that sometimes the effort is 
to be our success. It shows our good will — our 
power may not correspond to it. 

August 2Sth. In my morning prayer, which is 
always short, and made standing, I asked for 
three things, to wit, the bitter of true repent- 
ance, the sharp flavor of a biting and spurring 
energy, the sweetness of believing that my sins 

49 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

are forgiven and that I have tried to do some- 
thing to help my fellow^ men. 

September yth, (After preaching the same 
sermon, under better conditions of health and 
spirits.) ... I enjoyed the service myself, and 
had some good moments of freedom in my ser- 
mon, quite like my best times. ... I w^as very 
thankful for this good coming through, and ea- 
couraged to try again in the future. 

December 28th, . . . Thought also of a 
new application of Christ's vs^ords: "This is my 
body." We too should so offer our bodily life 
to the service of God and humanity as to be able 
to say: "This w^hich I offer is my very body, my 
very blood, the essence and quintessence of my 
daily life, which I lived subject to the laws of 
use and service." 



50 



1885 

9 January gth. I pray God to-day that I may 
be able to give that attention to my business af- 
fairs which is necessary for the security of those 
who are to survive me. My absent habit of 
mind leads me to mislay important letters and 
papers, and to many sins of this kind. 

September 6th. Busy in the morning with 
preparing my sermon on the Gospel of Hope, in 
contradistinction to the old terrible doctrines. 
Danger of religious indifference and of want of 
religious training for our children on the present 
skeptical basis. 



51 



1886 

March 30th. (After the death of her daugh- 
ter Julia.) Wrote to : "I am not wild, nor 

melancholy, nor inconsolable ; but I feel, as Amer- 
ica might if some great fair State were blotted 
from the map, leaving only a void for the salt 
and bitter sea to overwhelm. I cannot so far 
get any comfort from other-Vv^orldly imaginings." 

If God says anything to me now, He says 
"Thou fool." The truth is that we have no no- 
tion of the value and beauty of God's gifts until 
they are taken from us. Then He may well say, 
"Thou fool," and we can only answer to our 
name. 

April 27th. Have had an uplifting of soul 
to-day. I am at last getting to stand where I 
can have some spiritual outlook. The confusion 
of "is not," is giving place to the steadfastness 
of "is." 

May 30th. . . . To Church of the Disciples, 
where it was Memorial Day in the Sunday 
School. Told the children about my writing of 
the Battle Hymn. Told them that the true 
glory of God which I saw then was not in the 
pomp and circumstance of war, not in military 
glory and victory, but in the rising up of the 
nation to stand up for the right and to die for it 
if need be. I told them that whenever they 
would stand up for the right in any struggle, 
contest or trial, they would see this glory. 

52 



1887 

April nth. To Providence; invited to attend 
supper of Unitarian Club and make an address. 
The keynote to this was given me yesterday by 
the sight of the people who thronged the popu- 
lar churches, attracted, in a great measure no 
doubt, by the Easter decorations and music. I 
thought: **What a pity that everybody cannot 
hear Phillips Brooks." I also thought: "They 
can all hear the lesson of heavenly truth in the 
great Church of All Souls and of All Saints ; 
there is room enough and to spare." 



53 



1888 

January ist. My first act this year was to 
preach before the Parker Fraternity. My text 
was Christ's saying to Peter: "Upon this rock 1 
will build my church." The text came to me 
almost as soon as I received the invitation and 1 
wrote the sermon under great difficulties of in- 
terruption, removal to Boston, et cetera. My 
theme was the religious element in human na- 
ture, and its normal manifestations in worship, 
sacrifice and revelation, or the vision of divine 
things. It seemed to interest those present a 
good deal, as it did me. 

January 20th. I have no superstition about 
opening on passages of the Bible, yet will record 
that as I opened our service book for reading this 
morning, my eye rested on the following pas- 
sage: "I have blotted out as a thick cloud thy 
transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins; return 
unto me for I have redeemed thee." 

Sunday, March i8th. Thought I ought to 
stay at home and work. Struck a good vein and 
scratched awhile, then rushed for my dear 
church where I heard a good deal of the good 
minister's * prayer and a sermon from him which 

* The Revd. Charles Gordon Ames, who had re- 
cently succeeded Mr. Clarke as pastor of the Church 
of the Disciples. 

54 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

I can only call surpassing in its beauty and 
pathos. "As we forgive those who trespass 
against us" was the text, and never did divine 
words receive a more divine interpretation. It 
will surely be published, and my head is too 
tired to repeat any of it here. Suffice It to say 
that it moved me to real heart-tears of joy and 
comfort. The hymn was "Nearer, My God, to 
Thee." I should like to write a poem about it. 
A woman composed it, and I heard it again and 
again at Theodore Parker's. Heard it most at 
my sweet Julia's funeral. Felt it much to-day. 

Sunday, September 23rd. To church in town. 
A suggestive sermon from Mr. Alger on 
"Watching," i.e., upon all the agencies that 
watch us : children ; foes ; friends ; critics ; authori- 
ties; spirits; God Himself. 

As we drove into town I had one of those 
momentary glimpses which In things spiritual are 
so infinitely precious. The Idea became clear 
and present to my mind that God, an actual pres- 
ence, takes note of our actions and Intentions. I 
thought how helpful It would be to us to pass 
our lives in a sense of this divine supervision. 
After this Inward experience I was almost 
startled by the theme of Alger's sermon. I 
spoke to him of the coincidence and he said it 
must have been a thought wave. The thought 
is one to which I have need to cling. I have at 
this moment mental troubles, obsessions of imag- 
ination, from which I pray to be delivered. 

55 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

While this idea of the divine presence was clear 
to me, I felt myself lifted above these things. 
May this lifting continue. 

Friday, September 28th. In my prayer this 
morning I had again a glimpse of the transcend- 
ent things. The presence of God appeared to 
me on Sunday last as a constant point of rever- 
ence and judgment for conduct; to-day it ap- 
peared to me as a perpetual nearness of help 
and loving comfort. 

Extracts from my prayer at the Tiverton Serv- 
ice, September 9th, 1888: 

"Thou who art to us the supreme of comfort 
and consolation, the supreme also of judgment 
and correction. 

"We pray to thee as individual souls, to each" 
one of which thou hast given an immortal prom- 
ise and an immortal destiny — as members of 
families, surrounded by dear ones whose welfare 
is as precious to us as our own — as citizens of a 
country to which thou hast given a leadership of 
the nations of the earth." I forget what I asked 
for us as individuals — as members of families I 
asked that the bond of love might rule in our 
households, and that with children and servants 
we might remember that God is father of all and 
master of all. For our dear Country in this 
time of excitement and doubt, I asked that she 
might remember that, whoever may govern, God 
is really governor of all. 

I have written this down because I thought it 

56 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

better than my usual prayers. I write ft from 
very imperfect remembrance. 

Text of a screed unused: 

Oh ! you dear young people, upon whose faith- 
fulness depends the fate of further generations, 
do not waste precious years in the mistakes of 
selfishness ! 

Now that the generous impulses of Youth and 
the discipline of good teaching are fresh and 
strong in you, address yourselves to discern the 
most imperative needs of Humanity. So shall 
you learn to meet them with good service. So 
shall future generations rise up rightly to call 
you blessed. 

Sunday, November 4th. In my prayer this 
morning I thanked God that I have come to 
grieve more over my moral disappointments than 
over my intellectual ones. With my natural 
talents I had nothing to do; with my use or 
abuse of them, everything. 

I have thought too, lately, of a reason why we 
should not neglect our duty for others for our 
real or supposed duty to ourselves. It is this: 
ourselves we have always with us; our fellows 
flit from our company, or pass away; and we 
must help them when and while we can. 

Monday, November 5th. My last day here 
this season. I go, thanking God for the lovely 
summer of work and rest, family affection and 
social enjoyment. It is all delightful to look 

57 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

back upon, and another such season Is lovely to 
look forward to, though my age more than any- 
thing else makes this doubtful. However it may 
chance, I feel as if I should be reconciled, trust- 
ing in the infinite goodness and wisdom. 

December joth. * * * The ideal Christ is 
justified by the love and worship of humanity. 
With our imperfect knowledge of facts con- 
cerning him and our equally imperfect capacity 
of interpreting them, It is better as well as hap- 
pier to hold on to this vision of the divine man, 
than to dogmatize either way about his nature. 



58 



1889 

January ist. In my prayer this night I asked 
for weight and earnestness of purpose. I am too 
frivolous and frisky. 

January 2gth. My word for the Danvers 
Suffrage meeting was Christ's two sayings about 
his bringing a sword and also giving peace. The 
sword was the weapon of discriminating thought, 
bringing in a better interpretation of the old 
faith and doctrine. The peace was what would 
follow the adoption of the better doctrine. Suf- 
frage divides society now and calls for a new 
study in the doctrines of freedom and justice. 
Peace will come when this study shall have been 
made and its results practically applied. 

February 24th. In the evening heard Verdi's 
beautiful Requiem. Was struck with the ex- 
pression it gave to the terrorism of the old the- 
ology; the vengeance of offended majesty on the 
one hand, the piteous pleading of frightened souls 
on the other. As a work of human imagination, 
this old scheme of judgment, damnation and sal- 
vation was sublime; as a revelation of a Being 
superhuman in goodness and wisdom, it is sim- 
ply absurd. 

June 1st, I have said to God on every morn- 
ing of these busy days: "Give me this day," and 
He has given them all; i.e., He has given me 
power to fulfill the task appointed for each. 

59 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

June gth. I find, more and more, that the 
thought which came to me at the Worcester read- 
ing helps me to a new view of life in which the 
soul perpetually gives up to God and receives 
from Him. What we give up in this way we 
receive in another, with a happy sanction and 
confidence. 

July 15th. I take for my guidance a new 
motto: "I will ascend," not in my ambition but 
in my thoughts and aims. 

July 2 J St. A dry Sunday, i.e., no church, it 
being the women's turn to go. ... I think of 
two sermons to write, one *'A spirit of Power" ; 
one, "Behold, I show you a more excellent way." 

August gth. I think to-day of a good theme 
for a sermon: "The Glory that shall be re- 
vealed." Am not quite sure whether this is a 
scripture text, but could find one which would 
take its place. Query: What will be the glory 
of the future revelation? It is a truth and a 
glory now, only we do not see it. The eternal 
principles of the moral laWj the progress of the 
divine order. These eternal verities are always 
present in the world and are partially known to 
elect spirits here and there; but when "all flesh 
shall see it," then these great truths will be made 
known to all and will become embodied in hu- 
man life and government. 
60 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

August 14th. My inward prayer is still, 

"Take and give ! Take away my foolish life and 

give me my life back again, informed by Thy 
wisdom." 

September 8th. To-day for the second time I 
seemed to have met Mr. Alger's sermon as I 
drove in to attend church. The discourse was 
very metaphysical and long winded, but the di- 
rect and important train of thought was much 
like that which seized me as I sat in my car- 
riage. I thought of the different ways of serv- 
ing Duty; first, as Christ did, in loneliness and 
^hardship. I thought of him as one standing on 
a lonely beach waiting to find, as he did, the pearl 
of a perfect doctrine with which to redeem the 
world ; then of a fire ship with its devoted crew ; 
then of a pleasant party of saintly people. This, 
it seemed to me, would be my best chance. Alger 
named several gates of Heaven, innocence, vic- 
tory, penitence, resignation, retribution. This 
was the best part of the sermon because the most 
tangible. Tried to write this out in verse, some 
of which occurred to me as I drove into town; 
succeeded poorly. 

October 20th. We do not ask that Thy truth 
may conquer, because it cannot but conquer; its 
conquest is assured from the very foundation of 
the world. But we do ask that we may have a 
part in this great victory, the part of humble, 
faithful followers who have seen Thy banner un- 

61 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

rolled in its glory, which is above all other glories, 
above all the splendors of the visible universe, 
above sunrise and sunset. 

May every one of us be enrolled in the Church 
of All Saints and All Souls, which has been or- 
dained, instituted and inspired by Thee, from and 
for all time. Amen. 

Spoke to the text, "God hath not left Him- 
self without a witness." This witness is in all 
human hearts, which, with all its intense de- 
sires, desires most of all law, order, religion. 

October 2ist. The afternoon service yester- 
day was a vesper with much music, really sweet 
and soothing. I applied my text to the coming 
out into the new territories; a rough Exodus 
stimulated by the love of gold, but with the army 
of fortune seekers go faithful souls, and instead 
of passing out of civilization, they extend its 
bounds. "Praise waiteth for thee in Zion" — 
yes, but the Prophet says: "The solitary places 
shall be made glad for them," et cetera. I set 
this down for future use. 

Good Mr. Van Ness called just now and 
thanked me warmly for my sermon of yesterday 
morning. My statement of the way in which 
religion does bind, seems to have impressed him. 
I ask God to give me grace and comfort in what 
I have now undertaken. 

I spoke also of religious faith as belief not in 
especial dogmas but in the power of God's truth 
and in man's power to receive it. 
62 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

November 24th. Preached for Dr. Stebbins 
my ''Eleventh Hour" sermon. The organist in- 
troduced my Battle Hymn into his voluntary. I 
sought much in mind for my prayer, but found 
two leading thoughts for it, the best being: 
God's know^ledge not only of the evil in us but 
of our good capacities; also His powder of uplift- 
ing us to the ideal humanity for which He created 
us. "The seed of faith which Thou hast put 
in our heart through all generations, may it mul- 
tiply and grow and prevail with might." 

"Not one glorious feature is lost to Thee, of 
those with which Thou didst make man in Thine 
own image." 

My sermon and prayer told, I was assured, 
and indeed I felt it at the time. Deo gratias. 



December 22nd. (In California.) A lovely 
day with dear Sister Annie and Loullie. A. 
would have a little Sunday service. I read part 
of the twenty-third chapter of Matthew and 
spoke first of the Bible in my hands; the same 
which dear father formerly used at family devo- 
tions. "This book preaches," I said, and then 
took the passage about the altar sanctifying the 
gift, and the temple the vow, taking Christ's in- 
tention in this to have been to lead his hearers in- 
ward from the symbolic right to the depth of the 
religious thought. Spoke of sincerity in religion 
as attainable only by efFort; getting away from 
the stereotyped phrases and attitudes to the in- 

63 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

wardness of religious life. Spoke of God as the 
great light at which we may rekindle our little 
candles blown out by the strong currents of our 
earthly life. 



64 



ALL SOULS 

I pace along my lonely way, 
Sedate, who once was wildly gay, 
Ferocious in my sadness too, 
As one whose pleasure Fate should do, 

The lessons of these many years 
Resounding in unwilling ears. 
My saints were visions in the clouds. 
With haloes that no shadow shrouds. 

But I walk painfully and slow, 
With many another child of woe. 
And pass Thy palace gate before, 
For judgment open evermore. 

Here perfect truth shall guide the hand 
By which the balance fine is spanned ; 
And here is known the deep intent 
Of Love that never may repent. 

Oh ! at that broad ancestral hearth. 
Renew the promise of our birth ! 
For goals that we have failed to reach, 
For lessons that we could not teach. 

Give us the hope that never dies. 
Let its calm sentence make us wise. 
Redeemed from sorrow, freed from sin. 
Let us, the erring, enter in! 

6^ 



1890 

March 2nd, Preached at Church of the Dis- 
ciples. ... I had to think a good deal over my 
prayer, but found at last a leading thought in 
God's redeeming power by which "what we 
begin in weakness Thou dost establish in strength, 
and even what we begin with an ill and evil in- 
tention, Thou art able to convert into good." 
My first words were like the following: "O 
Lord, our Creator, preserver and constant bene- 
factor, we know that Thou art in all our life ; the 
most careless of us will call upon Thee in any 
great danger, or before any great undertaking, 
but the nearer things hide Thee from us, although 
we need Thee every hour and always. Grant 
that we may seek Thee with sincere and devoted 
hearts." 

I gave thanks for the great institutions of 
public worship, for the fellowship of years 
which had made it good for us to meet together, 
for the holy and happy leadership which we so 
long enjoyed and for the renewed guidance now 
given to us, etc., etc. 

March i6th. That I may serve God without 
reserve, is my prayerful wish to-day. In consult- 
ing my own convenience and desired harmony 
with my surroundings, I have so often said, 
"Thus far and no farther"; I now say, "As far 
as Thou wilt, for only Thy wisdom shall surely 
66 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

be under my feet, the foundation of what I may 
attempt." 

May 2 1st. In the morning, before I was well 
awake, this thought came to me : the sibyl's awful 
hand writes the scattered events of daily life into 
history, and in so doing, not only records but 
helps to shape the fate of humanity. Tried to 
say something of this in my speech. 

May 29th. (After attending a meeting of 
the Universalist Women's Missionary Society.) 
Thank God for the word which I found to- 
day; the hospitality of Christendom through 
which I was invited, the fitness of liberal Chris- 
tianity for the (so-called) heathen nations to 
whom the old theological casuistries are in- 
comprehensible ; "the world our field" ; the phil- 
osophy of missions is this: we have need of this 
great extension of religious effort and sympathy; 
the hopeful element in women; its power in 
fitting them for mission work. 

Thursday, June J2th. Oak Glen. Dear Mas- 
ter, may this season be a good one between Thee 
and me! May I be diligent, sincere, reason- 
able and charitable, and may I do what is to be 
done for others with a cheerful and ready heart. 

Sunday, August lOth. I have been thinking 
both before and after the sermon of the moral 
near-sightedness which we acquire by living in 

67 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

only what immediately surrounds and con- 
cerns us. "Lift, oh, lift thine eyes," is a text 
from which I should like to preach a sermon. 



August 24th. (After speaking to the inmates 
of the Reform Prison for Women at South Fra- 
mingham) Woke up feeling quite well and 
refreshed. Thought I would fall back upon the 
text w^hich I had first thought of in connection 
w^ith this occasion, a text of cheer and uplifting: 
"Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the 
glory." Read part of Isaiah, 40th. Said that I 
had wished to bring them some words of com- 
fort and exhilaration. Pointed out how the Lord's 
Prayer begins with solemn worship and ascrip- 
tion, aspiring to God's Kingdom, praying for 
daily bread and for deliverance from tempta- 
tion and all evil; at the close it rises into this 
joyous strain, "Thine is the kingdom," et cetera. 
Tried to show how the kingdom is God, the great 
providential order, before and beyond all earthly 
government ; then the power, that of perfect wis- 
dom and goodness, the powder to know and rule 
all things, to be everj^vhere and ever present, to 
regulate the mighty sweep of stars and planets, 
and, at the same time, to take note of the poorest 
and smallest of us; the glor}' first of the visible 
universe, glory of the day and night, of the 
seasons, glory of the redeeming power of truth, 
glor}' of inexhaustible patience, of boundless com- 
passion and love. 
68 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

September 3rd. Prayed in the morning for 
such a view of human nature as belongs to real 
charity. Somehow, throughout the day, a more 
charitable paraphrase of everybody's conduct 
seemed to present itself to me, as if my prayer 
had really found an answer. 

December 8th. Some people are favored with 
Paul's vision. I have had Peter's: "What God 
hath cleansed, that call not thou common." 



69 



RETROSPECTS 

Little wicked I 
Once the Almighty's power did deny: 
"Thou art from everlasting, that is longer, 
But I am of to-day, and Youth is stronger. 
Thine are the viewless depths of Night and Day; 
This corner's mine, and I will have my way." 

Little foolish I 
Once on my own fool-wisdom would rely: 
"The prayers and prophecies are grand, no doubt, 
But I this problem have well reasoned out; 
I apprehend Creation at a glance, 
And take my time to flit and flirt, and dance." 

Little puzzled I 
Review my fooleries, and ask God why? 
Why these sad, silly antics didst permit? 
Why did I waste my seasons and my wit? 
"To IVIe thy young rebellious heart did say: 
'This corner's mine, and I will have my way !' " 



70 



1891 

Saturday, January Jist. Oh, that we could 
realize in busy life, how fleeting are our oppor- 
tunities of showing good will and afiEection to 
individuals. 

Saturday, April 7th. . . . The Communion 
which followed was to me almost miraculous. 
Mr. Ames called it a festival of commemoration, 
and it brought me a mind vision of the many de- 
parted dear ones. One after another the dear 
forms seemed to paint themselves on my Inner 
vision; first, the nearer in point of time; last, 
my Brother Henry and Samuel Eliot. I felt that 
this experience ought to pledge me to new and 
more active effort to help others. In my mind 
I said, "The obstacle to this is my natural inertia, 
my indolence"; then came the thought, God can 
overcome this indolence and give me increased 
power of service and zeal for it. Those present, 
I think, all considered the sermon and Com- 
munion as of special power and interest. It al- 
most made me fear lest it should prove a Swan 
Song from the dear minister. Perhaps it is I, 
not he, who may soon depart. 

Tuesday, July 21st. I have read daily for 
some time past, a psalm of David and a 
chapter of Proverbs. The religion of the one, 
and the practical wisdom of the other, are pos- 
sessions too much neglected nowadays. 

71 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Monday, July 2'/th. ''Death is swallowed 
up in victory"; for those of us who love 
the good, seeing its victories which every one 
who lives and thinks may see, will or should pass 
from earthly life in peace and contentment. The 
sense of his own death will be swallowed up in 
God's eternal victory, which the divine part of 
him must share. 

Saturday, October loth. I am learning 
by experience that a pound of feathers is as heavy 
as a pound of lead, and much harder to handle. 

Friday, December 2Sth. I saw Love as 
the great solvent of the world problem ; saw 
how God could take care of the stars and of the 
sparrows; infinite love would have this infinite 
power. 



AFTER THE WOMEN'S RALLY 

September i^th 

The blessed web that angels weave 
Of love to God and love to man, 

Let me therein some pattern leave 
Ere rounds my life its little span. 

The holy church that heroes build 

With lofty thought and purpose sound, 

Ere Time's last rays my sunset gild, 
There let some stone of mine be found. 

The psalm where prayer and music meet, 
In joy-floods, rolling from on high, 

To such a rhythm, grand and sweet, 
May my departing footsteps fly! 



73 



TRINITY CHURCH, BOSTON 

Christmas J i8gi 

I have tasted mj^ Communion in a golden cup 

^of joy, 
Tho* I held it but a moment nought its comfort 

could destroy. 
All the bitterness of living, all life's error, all 

its sin, 
Was sublimed to rapturous sweetness, when It 

passed my cup withm. 

To the Altar came a vision of the secret of the 

world, 
Of the leaders God-inspired, of the starry flags 

unfurled, 
Crowned Saints and armed sinners, walking in 

opposing ways. 
Till the discords of the Ages met in mingled 

hymns of praise. 

Oh ! how can He who rules the stars, whose will 
is perfect law, 

Take note of us who idols make of stubble and 
of straw? 

The heart of Christ and Moses, and this grovel- 
ing heart of mine. 

How can the mighty Alchemist for good and 
truth combine? 

74 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

"God save the king!" and yet the king to some 

false god doth bow, 
To pleasure, wealth, or fashion, lights the rank 

that crowns his brow; 
And on the throne or in the hut, or on the tented 

field, 
Where God might look for seconding, despite is 

all the yield. 

The lamps were in bright circle hung, the waves 

of melody 
In cadences majestical around them seemed to fly. 
The lamps were like the light of thought, that 

shows the dark without. 
But the hymn was like the bond of love that 

binds it all about. 

My doubting heart no longer weighed the mis- 
chiefs of its past, 

No longer in its struggle cried: "Oh, help me, 
God, at last!" 

But thus it spake : "The solvent for all evil things 
is found, 

And where offence of man abounds, God's grace 
doth more abound." 



7? 



1892 

Sunday, January 3rd. The King's palace 
is all lit up in glory; we would enter in and 
share its inner light. What shall we bring to 
our Father? Overflowing gratitude. What 
shall we ask of Him ? His most precious spiritual 
gifts, above all others, steadfastness in our pursuit 
of good, that we may not merely flame out into 
brief enthusiasm which shall soon appear as a 
"tale that is told," but may follow our best 
inspirations to fruitful ends. 

January 5th. I have promised the dear Lord 
to-day that if I may only live out this winter, I 
will do my best to set my house in order for those 
who will stand in my place. . . . 

Tuesday, February 23rd. ... I suggested 
"the nearest duty and the furthest hope." 
... I reflected that many of us, myself often 
included, try on the contrary for the farthest 
off duty and the most immediate hope. 

Saturday, February 27th. We have in 
society, eminent individuals, decent public opin- 
ion, and great masses of ignorance and unprin- 
ciple. Now these eminent individuals, and the 
constantly improving public opinion, have to deal 
with the ignorant many, working unceasingly for 
their enlightenment. 



76 



A MOMENT'S MEDITATION IN 
COLOGNE CATHEDRAL 

Enter Life's high cathedral 
With reverential heart, 

Its lofty oppositions 

Matched with divinest art. 

Thought with its other climbing 
To meet and blend on high ; 

Man's mortal and immortal 
Wed for eternity. 

When noon's high mass is over, 
Muse in the silent aisles; 

Wait for the coming vespers 
In which new promise smiles. 

When from the dome height echoes 

An "Itej missa est'* 
Whisper thy last thanksgiving, 

Depart, and take thy rest. 



77 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

April iSth. . . . Had a time of discourage- 
ment and prostration at waking. Felt the de- 
mands made upon me to be utterly beyond my 
strength and executive power. Prayed for a lit- 
tle relief from this fatigue and depression. Got 
a little glimpse of a thought new to me, viz.; 
that Analysis has been the great business of the 
age I have lived in. Theodore Parker began an 
analysis of religious ideas in his famous first 
discourse. Garrison, Phillips and the other early 
abolitionists were analysts of the political con- 
dition of the country, from an ethical standpoint. 
The suffragists belong to the same class. The 
real humanists, as exemplified in college settle- 
ments, the promoters of neighborhood guilds, 
etc., are analysts of social economy from the same 
point of view. The white light of Christ's soul 
illuminates all this. It is the incandescent elec- 
tric (light?). 



78 



AT MILWAUKEE 

The tulips on the border of the lake 

A missal-like illumination make, 

The waters spreading like a silver page, 

Where the sun prints his text, from Age to Age, 

Which the lake's heaving bosom doth efface, 
Yet is its teaching steadfast with our race. 
Message of splendor, never twice the same, 
Sealing Creation's story with God's name. 

As the rose leaves around the rose's heart, 
The saints of God may gather round His 
throne ; 

But alien spirits, in far realms apart 
The fellowship of Zion have not known. 

Musing, I thought upon the holy band 

Who ne'er the blessed sphere had passed out- 
side : 

Fondly to them I stretched the pleading hand, 
To join their glorious ranks one moment cried. 

But then from earth's dark corner I perceived 
The coming of a mighty multitude. 

For whom the Light supreme its course achieved, 
Redeeming from the wild, accursed mood. 

To these I prayed, "Oh! let me bring the news 
Of what in nearer vision I have seen ; 

To serve their greater need my heart would 
choose 
Above the heavenly city's sights serene. 

79 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

"For to their painful progress should belong 

My lessons of infirmity and sin, 
And how world-problems of deceit and wrong 

Are solved by some who late may enter in, 

"As left the Christ the sentence dear and deep 
Of Love's great victory which all shall crown ; 

The heavenly Shepherd seeking other sheep 
To be redeemed and folded as his own." 



December 31st. Thank God for this good 
year! I asked Him for this. I will not ask 
Him for another, but say simply, "Thy will be 
done!" 



80 



1893 

Sunday, January 15th. . . . The discourse 
led me to think of the vast work that needs be 
done in disseminating the helpful, hopeful views 
of the new Christianity — Christ's, only now be- 
ginning to be rightly and universally interpreted. 
It seems to me that if I had twenty years before 
me, with my present experience, and with work- 
ing ability even such as I now have, I could do 
something in this line. Perhaps I do it more 
than I know of. My prayer for every day is 
now that I may do in it something worth doing, 
not for personal ends, but for simple and sincere 
service. This at any rate helps to start the 
day on a good basis of intention. 

Tuesday, April nth, . . . Baron Ricasoto, 
in the days in which he despaired of freeing 
his country from its numerous tyrants, devoted 
himself to the education of his daughter, say- 
ing: "Perhaps the only way in which I can 
be of use in some small degree, to the country, 
is by giving it a woman of noble character." I 
say to myself, "No other hope remains to you 
of leaving a trace of your footsteps on this earth ; 
make a mother worth having." 



81 



1894 

January 1st, 1894. I take possession of the 
New Year in the name of Faith, Hope and 
Charity. 

March 1st. . . . Speaking of the difficulty 
with which ideas already received are allowed to 
unfold themselves to their full significance, the 
inertia of mankind barring the way: "The dear 
Lord," I said, "had to die in order to get a new 
testament accepted even by those who had ac- 
cepted the old one." 

Sunday, March lith, C. G. A. preached 
a funeral sermon on Mrs. Mary Hemenway. 
As he opened his lips, I said to myself, "What 
can he teach us that her life has not taught us ?" 
The sermon, however, was most instructive. Such 
a life makes an epoch, and should establish a 
precedent. If one woman can be so disinterested 
and so wise, others can emulate her example. I, 
for one, feel that I shall not forget this forcible 
presentation of the aspect of such a character, of 
such a history. God send that her mantle may 
fall upon this whole community, stimulating each 
to do what he or she can for humanity. 

Wednesday, May 30th. Our forefathers 
and mothers had a mighty engine for awak- 
ening atttention to religion in their children 
— the terrible fear of everlasting punishment. 
We have not this fear to enforce our instruction, 
82 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

but we can present the fear of something quite 
as bad, the failure to come up to our human 
measure and dignity, the lowering of the moral 
level of the community. There is danger in 
these days of neglect of the home altar. 

July 1st. Despite my severe fatigue, went in 
town to church ; desired in my mind to have some 
good abiding .thought given to me to work for 
and live by. The best thought that came to me 
was something like this: We are careful of our 
fortune and of our reputation. We are not care- 
ful enough of our lives. Society is built of these 
lives, in which each should fit his or her place, 
like a stone fitly joined by the builder. We die, 
but the life we have lived remains, and helps to 
build society well or ill. Later on I thought 
that it sometimes seems as if a rope or chain of 
mercy were let down to pull some of us out of 
sin and degradation, out of the hell of passion. 
If we have taken hold of it and have been 
rescued, shall we not work to have others drawn 
up with us? At such moments, I remember my 
old wish to speak to the prisoners, never fully 
realized. 

December 2nd. Enjoyed the service and the 
Communion, of which indeed I did not partake. 
But such a good thought came to me while the 
others went to the altar. This was that the en- 
tirety of Humanity is the body which the Chris- 
tian spirit is to vitalize and illumine. The eating 

83 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

of one bread and the drinking of one cup in 
commemoration of that heroic feast and sorrow, 
symboh'zes for me, and doubtless for many, the 
great unity of faith and feeling which true re- 
ligion should bring among the peoples of the 
earth. I longed to be able to write a sermon to 
the text: ''This is my body." Possibly I may 
manage to do this. 



84 



1895 

January ist. I was awake very early and 
made the prayer that during this year I might not 
say one uncharitable word, or be guilty of one 
ungenerous action. 

January 20th, To church with joy and 
thankfulness. A sermon on "The tongue and its 
abuses," very practical and good. Was per- 
plexed and sad at waking with remembrance of 
•my many shortcomings. The text, "Come unto 
me," etc., presently brought me light and com- 
fort. 

June 2nd, To Communion In the afternoon. 
The minister asked whether I would speak. I 
told what I had felt as I entered the church that 
afternoon, "a sort of realization of the scene in 
that upper chamber, its gloom and its glory. 
What was in that great heart whose pulsations 
have made themselves felt down to our own time, 
and all over the world? What was its sorrow? 
It bore the burthen of the sorrows and distresses 
of humanity, and we who pledge him here in this 
cup are bound to bear our part of that burthen. 
Only thus shall we attain to share in that festival 
of joy and of revealed power which followed the 
days of doubt and despair." All this came to me 
like a flash. I have written it down from mem- 
ory because I value the thought. 



8^ 



Far from our dwellings, high or low, 

May evil deeds remain, 
Let none of us consider good 

What brings another pain. 

In all that makes Life beautiful 

We'll study to excel, 
And serve and bless the sacred spot 

Where we are called to dwell. 

These pilgrim steps wax faint and slow, 
And weary grows the load, 

But hark, the golden trumpets blow 
Within the gates of God. 

Music in her dulcet voice 

And in the well-tuned lyre, 
Music too in each true heart 

That heavenward doth aspire. 



86 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Saturday, June 15th. I am glad that I 
have at last found out that the battle of life is 
an unending fight against the evil tendencies, evil 
mostly because exceeding right measure, which we 
find in ourselves. Strange that it should take so 
long to find this out. This is the victory which 
God gives us when we have fought well and 
faithfully. Might I at least share it with the 
saints whom I have known ! 

Sunday J July 14th. When I lay down to 
take my rest before dinner, I had a momentary 
sense of the sweetness and relief of the last lying 
down. This was a new experience to me, as I 
have been averse to any thought of death as op- 
posed to the activity which I love. I now saw 
it as the termination of all fight and struggle, and 
prayed that in the life beyond I might pay some 
of the debts of affection and recompense which 
I have failed to make good in this life. 

Saturday, July 2'jth. Work, worship, wel- 
come. These three words will do for a motto 
of the life which I now lead, in which these 
words stand for my ruling objects, "welcome," 
denoting "hospitality," in which I should be glad 
to be more forward than I have been of late. 

July 28th. O God, no kingdom is worth 
praying for but thine! 



87 



A SONG FOR THE YOUTH OF THE 
CHRISTIAN ENDEAVOR SOCIETY 

Phalanx of youth, so fair and brave, 
Set your bright banner in the sky; 

O'er minds ennobled let it wave, 
O'er hearts to duty ever nigh. 

The years that marshal gallant men. 
Passing, withdraw them from the field ; 

Our leaders resolute of ken, 

In turn to Death's stern challenge yield. 

Who shall uphold what valor gained, 
When those who led the fight are gone, 

When noble spirits, nobly trained, 
Fall, from the contest, one by one ? 

Children who show their true descent 
Fulfill the promise of their sires. 

The faith unswerving and unbent. 
The heart unstained by low desires. 

O valiant army that shall be, 

Approach, and breathe the solemn vow 

That binds to truth's high chivalry! 
The time to enroll your names is now. 

In Heaven's own armory of light 
Availing weapons you shall find; 

Stronger than sword and cannon's might 
The prayerful heart, the steadfast mind. 

88 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

The cross, with Love's own glory crowned, 
The stripes and spangles of the free, 

With these your watchword shall resound, 
"Our country, God, and liberty." 

From The Golden Rule. 



August 4th. I had one most happy sudden 
thought in church. This was that this vital 
breath which sustains me is related to that which 
sustained the dear Christ, and in a way, descends 
from the same source. The sermon of to-day, 
emphasizing the Human Love in its relation to 
the love of God, suggested to me many of my 
own shortcomings in this regard. 

Sunday, September ist. The Communion 
which followed the sermon brought me more 
light. Beautiful was the thought of this festi- 
val of all time, for all humanity — Christ, the 
gift of God to the whole human race. It seemed 
to me that I had been jealous of the splendid 
shows which amuse a few idle rich people, giv- 
ing no pleasure to the multitude. I now feel 
reassured that the best things are for all. 

November 28th. I had felt a special discour- 
agement at waking this morning. Later I 
sought and found a deliverance from this in the 
dear Lord's parable of the lost sheep. 



89 



1896 

Sunday, February gth. I had in church a mo- 
mentary glimpse of the meaning of Christ's say- 
ing, "I am the vine, and ye are the branches." 
I felt how the source of our spiritual love is in 
the heavenly Fatherhood, and how departing 
from our sense of this we become empty and 
barren. It was a moment of great comfort. 
C. G. A. wishes me to preach for him one Sun- 
day in March. My heart seemed to ask to-day 
before service, "Why does the past fade so out 
of our consciousness? Why can we not retain 
our hold upon it — its dear shapes, our departed 
friends? What is the true inwardness of 
death?" . . . 

Sunday, March 1st. I had a moment's 
glimpse of something very dear and deep, namely : 
that if I have the love of God truly in my heart, 
I could not lose it even in Hell. 

March 2gth. A very delightful sermon from 
C. G. A. "Ye are the light of the world" ; "Let 
your light so shine," etc. ... I feel stirred 
by this sermon to take a more active part and 
interest in religious work. I pray for some spe- 
cial call or opening which shall point that way. 
I cry, Oh, let this light of true Christianity pene- 
trate like a dart of fire into the very heart of the 
world's heathendom. Had I lived a more con- 
sistently serious life, I might have hoped for 
90 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

such a mission, yet my working day has been most 
mercifully prolonged. My own thought on en- 
tering our church and seeing it adorned with 
palms was the immortal character of heroic ac- 
tions. For us the dear Christ still enters Jerusa- 
lem on Palm Sunday; he is still crucified on 
Good Friday; he rises from the tomb on Eas- 
ter. In such things, once is always. 

Wednesday, April 8th. I asked in my prayer 
this morning, feeling miserably dull and weak, 
that some deed of help and love might be given 
me to accomplish to-day. Between 12 M. and 
I P.M. came three gentlemen . . . praying me 
to make an appeal to the women of America for 
their Armenian sisters, who are destroying them- 
selves in many instances to avoid Turkish out- 
rage. ... I felt that I had had an answer to 
my prayer. 

May 27th. I have found for myself a text in 
Psalm 85, 8th verse. "For he will speak peace 
unto his people, but let them not turn again unto 
folly"; which may Heaven forbid! 

July 5th, Determined that I would go to 

church to-day. I intended to walk, but at s 

instance sent for a cab and ordered the driver to 
return. On entering the church I found that 

was to preach, and found too that there 

was to be a Communion service. Was minded, in 
view of the order already given, to leave after 

91 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

the sermon, which was a very literary perform- 
ance, and did not much correspond with what I 
wished to hear. In view of the Communion, 
something seemed to ask me; "Is not the dear 
Christ's Communion worth an extra half dol- 
lar?" So I told my cabman to return in half 
an hour, and went back into the church, where 
the sacred, simple rite brought me many dear 
and intimate thoughts, and a sort of panorama of 
dear ones who have passed from this visible 
world, including my two departed children. As 
I tasted the wine, I prayed that the life blood of 
a true humanity might enter into my veins, bind- 
ing me with a tie of Christ-like love to my fel- 
low creatures. The choir sang very softly three 
verses of "Nearer, My God, to Thee," and I 
thought that I felt the nearness. 

July loth, I pray this morning for courage 
to undertake and fervor to accomplish something 
in behalf of Christian civilization against the 
tide of barbarism, which threatens to over- 
sweep it. 

November ist. I prayed quite earnestly this 
morning that the dimness of sight, which has 
lately troubled me, might disappear. My eyes 
are really better to-day. I seemed at one mo- 
ment during the service to see myself as a little 
child in the Heavenly Father's nursery, having 
played my naughty pranks (alas!) and left my 
tasks unperformed, but coming, as bed-time 
92 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

draws near, to kiss and be forgiven. I also 
thought why God sends His rain on the just and 
the unjust. It is to the end that the Good shall 
constantly increase in power and that its victory 
shall know no interruption. 

December 31st. And so farewell, year of 
many mercies! God send me and mine another 
as good! 



93 



1897 
THE LORD'S SUPPER 

From the lips of Christ this goblet comes 

That here you tender me, 
From the lips whose summons woke the dead 

In ancient Bethany. 

The lips whose music thrills the world 

With high beatitudes; 
The lips that gave command to feed 

The hungering multitudes. 

Oh ! bitter was the draught to him, 

On the chill verge of death, 
Who at the banquet gave this pledge 

Of love surpassing faith. 

Put far from me the stains of earth. 

My heart in twain be riven 
For him who through the centuries saith, 

"Thy sins be all forgiven." 



94 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

January 1st. (Written on the fly-leaf of the 
Journal.) The good God make me grateful for 
this new year, of which I am allowed to see the 
beginning. Thy kingdom come! I have many 
wishes, but this prayer will carry them all. 

January 3rd. Woke early with a choking 
throat, a feverish pulse and an aching head. 
Supposed myself sick for some days to come, but 
determined to go to church. A helpful sermon 
on Hope. I, alas! was heavy with my cold 
and drowsed somewhat. The Communion serv- 
ice which followed was truly comforting, uplift- 
ing and delightful. Among other thoughts, this 
came to me: I thought myself at the Heavenly 
Father's feast in poor and degraded garments, 
corresponding to my own merits. Before any 
one could exclaim: "How came she here?" the 
Heavenly One Himself seemed to cover me with 
a beautiful garment, so that I should not be out 
of harmony with the occasion. This waking 
vision moved me to many tears. I shall try to 
hold fast its meaning. 

May 27th. This is my 78th birthday. If 
the good God sees fit to grant me another year, 
may He help me to fill it with good work. 

June 26th. Had a little time of quiet thought 
this morning, in which I seemed to see how the 
intensity of individual desire would make chaos 

95 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

in the world of men and women if there were 
not a conquering and reconciling principle of 
harmony above them all. This to my mind can 
be no other than the infinite wisdom and infinite 
love which we call God. 

December i8th. When I lay down to take my 
nap before dinner, I had a sudden thought — a 
vision of the glory of God in the face of Jesus 
Christ. I seemed to see how the human could 
in a way reflect the glory of the divine, giving 
not a mechanical but an affectional and spiritual 
re-showing of the great unfathomable glory. 



96 



1898 

January ist. May God bless this New Year 
to me and mine. May it bring true peace and 
divine wisdom to the peoples of the earth. 

May I in some way do something to help this. 

January Jist. Have made a special prayer 
that my mind may be less occupied with my own 
shortcomings, and more with all that keeps our 
best hopes alive. Felt little able to write, but 
produced a good page on the principle: Nulla 
dies sine linea. 

Friday, May 2yth. Dear Heavenly Father, 
thanks for the life which Thou gavest me, sev- 
enty-nine years ago to-day. What a boon has 
this been ! To gain the experience of later years 
with faculties unimpaired and bodily senses still 
preserved. . . . Dear Lord, if my life is pro- 
longed, let it be for good, for something better 
than I have yet done. Yet for that even, end- 
less thanks. 

Sunday, June I2th. To the dear church in a 
dull mood. The cloud suddenly lifted and I 
felt myself happily swept into the divine order, 
so that I dared to say to God, *1 love Thee!" 
A thrice blessed moment, pledging to renewed ef- 
fort and good service. 

December 5th. Woke very early and had a 
long and desperate worry over my money mat- 

97 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

ters. A prayer bettered my state of mind. I 
pray for courage and strength and not to break 
down in health, or in resolution to work, as well 
as I can, to the utmost. 

December 7th. Awoke with my usual sinking 
heart. Prayed for a loving and contrite heart, 
a wise and patient mind, and physical strength to 
finish all that I have in mind. 

December nth. Enjoyed my 'evening's 
preaching greatly. Felt to offer the principal 
prayer. All day I had thought of "Thine is the 
glory," and had wished to express my thought in 
it. In my prayer I quoted the whole phrase and 
said: "Lord, let me live in Thy kingdom; our 
weakness may rely upon Thy power; our dark 
lives may be brightened by Thy glory." After 
the service many people came forward to thank 
me. One lady said: "Mrs. Howe, your prayer 
carried me to the very gates of heaven." 



98 



1899 

Thursday, May 2Sth. Emerson was as great 
in what he did not say, as in what he said. 
Second-class talent tells the whole story, reasons 
everything out; great genius suggests even more 
than it says. 

Saturday J October 2ist. ... I must re- 
member that this may be my last summer here, 
or anywhere on earth, but must bear in mind 
that it is best to act with a view to prolonged 
life, since without this outlook, it is very hard 
for us to endeavor, or to do our best. . . . 

Sunday, November igth. ... I had prayed 
for some good thought of God. This came to 
me in the shape of a sudden perception to this 
effect: "I am in the Father's house already." 
This was a comforting glimpse, but only a 
glimpse, passing very quickly. 

Thursday November joth. . . . The An- 
glican (Communion) service, though impressive, 
shocks me by offering the body and the blood of 
Christ. In what mystical sense the dear Lord 
told his disciples to eat the one and drink the 
other, I do not know, but to me the Eucharist is 
a simple feast of gratitude in which remembrance 
is far more congenial than this allegorical partak- 
ing, which the Romanist doctrine of the real 
presence makes possible. 

99 



THE WALK WITH GOD 



(From a note-book of this period) 

O, Thou whose gifts are beyond words, Thou 
in whose loving Fatherhood we are content to 
abide, help us to know that Thou art near us 
to-day and every day of our life on earth. 

Thou hast wonderfully opened to us the 
knowledge of Good and Evil and hast endowed 
us with the ability to pursue the one and to avoid 
the other. 

Give us, we pray Thee, that faith in the con- 
quering power of good deeds and purposes which 
may enable us to contend successfully against the ' 
infirmities and temptations to which our nature 
is subject. May a sense of the true values of 
life keep us in the path appointed for us. May 
we seek the patience of the saints, the wisdom cf 
the prophets, and the self-devotion of the mar- 
tyrs, and may our worship give us a place in the 
great Church Universal of Love and service for- 
ever. In Christ's name, Amen. 

Sunday, December 3rd. . . . Without the 
painful consciousness of my sins, how could I 
have had the sense of the love and mercy oi God 
which makes this moment so beautiful to 
me? . . . 

Wednesday, December 13th. ... As I knelt 
by my bedside before lying down, I said: 
"I thank God that I have been heart and hand 
in touch with the people of my time." 
100 



1900 

Friday, March joth. . . . Had a special 
good moment this morning before rising. Felt 
that God had granted me a good deal of heaven, 
while yet on earth. So the veil lifts sometimes, 
not for long. . . . 

Tuesday, May 8th. . . . Spoke, I think, of 
the fact that it takes the v^^hole of life to learn 
the lessons of life. Dwelt a little on the fact 
that fools are not necessarily underwitted. Nay, 
may be people of genius, the trouble being that 
they do not learn from experience. 

Friday, May 25th. Went in afternoon to 
Unitarian Meeting at Tremont Temple. . . . 
Eliot asked if I would give a word of benediction. 
I did so, thanking God earnestly in my heart 
for granting me this sweet office, which seemed 
to lift my soul above much which has disturbed 
It of late. Why is He so good to me? Surely 
not to destroy me at last! 

April 23rd. Had a sort of dream vision of 
the dear Christ going through Beacon Street in 
shadow, and then in his glory. It was only the 
flash of a moment's thought. 

July 1 6th. While in church I had a new 
thought of the energy and influence of Christ's 
teaching. "Ask and ye shall receive," etc. 

101 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

This little series of commands all incite the 
hearers to action: ask, seek, knock. I should 
love to write a sermon on this, but fear that my 
sermonizing days are over. Alas ! 

Sunday, April 8th. Christ's victory was in 
the fact of his death, as he invited and met it, 
not in what people said of him after it. 



102 



spite of wind and current, 
I'll hold on my course, 
Match the wayward torrent 
With a spirit force. 

Lo, a word, a golden, 
In my cradle laid, 
I am so beholden, 
It must be obeyed. 

I must soothly speak it, 
Ever and anon, 
Tho' no hearer seek it, 
Tho' no crown be won. 

As the orient-prophet 
Alexander slew 

Would have brought him profit, 
Telling what he knew ; 

So I breathe my sentence 
Oft, in many a spot. 
It had been my repentance, 
Had I said it not. 

Say, if death should find me 
Singing, still unheard, 
Trouble should not bind me : 
I have said my word. 



103 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Sunday, June 3rd. At breakfast had some 
overpowering thoughts of the goodness of God. 
Prayed for the power of true worship. Service 
at church delightful. An inspired Whitsunday 
sermon from C. G. A. Before church had a 
thought of some sweet spirit asking to go to Hell 
to preach to the people there. Thought that if 
he truly fulfilled his office, he would not leave 
even that forlorn pastorate. 

Sunday, June 17th. ... To church, where 
I had one of the blessed glimpses which sometimes 
relieve my spiritual darkness. It came in this 
thought: if I were in the depths of Hell itself, I 
could keep hold of the divine hand. I felt such 
an assurance of the divine love and mercy that it 
lit up for me the whole service. 

Thursday, July 26th. Have prayed to-day 
that I may not find life dull. This prolongation 
of my days on earth is so precious that I ought 
not to cease for one moment to thank God for 
it. I enjoy my reading as much as ever, but I 
do feel very much the narrowing of my personal 
relations by death. How rich was I in sisters, 
brothers, elders! It seems to me now as if I 
had not at all appreciated these treasures of af- 
fection. 

September 2nd. I had before service began a 
clear thought that self is death, and deliverance 
from its narrow limitations, the truest emanci- 
104 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

patlon. In my heart I gave thanks to God for 
all measure in which I have attained, or tried to 
attain, this liberation. It seemed to me that the 
one moment of this w^hich we could perfectly at- 
tain would be an immortal joy. 

October 2 1st. Thinking about "how the pure 
in heart can see God," it suddenly came to me 
that we can see Him (reflected) in the faces of 
His saints — rather, we see something of His 
glory thus. Went to Channing Church to hear 
David Muzzey preach. He read the parable of 
the prodigal son beautifully, and gave me a feel- 
ing of the way in which the dear Master might 
have told the story. This seemed like a little 
glimpse of the great glory. The sermon, which 
was very eloquent and delightful, was on forgive- 
ness. 

October 2jrd. Prayed last evening that I 
might not have the dreadful depression at wak- 
ing, and did not have it. 

December 25th. "Let us pray for the whole 
estate of Christ's Church militant." 

The Anglican service says this, and I echo it 
to-day. The Christian Church, fighting against 
the dark and dreadful evils of society, armed 
with the faith, which is overcoming the world, 
and which, I think, finds it best interpretation in 
the Saints and Fathers of our Unitarian denomi- 
nation. 

105 



1901 

January yth. I have had a morning of vision- 
ing, lying in bed. "Be still and know that I am 
God," seemed to be my sentence. I thought of 
the Magdalen's box of spikenard, whose odor, 
when the box was opened, filled the house. The 
separate religious convictions of the sects seemed 
to me like so many boxes of ointment, exceeding 
precious while shut up; but I thought also that 
the dear Lord would one day break these sepa- 
rate boxes, and that then their fragrance would 
fill the whole earth, which is His house. 



106 



THE CLOSED GENTIAN 

Thou promise of a glory unfulfilled, 
Enclosed as if some frost thy heart had chilled ; 
Thy blue is stolen from the vault above ; 
Surely, the golden secret of thy love 
Is star-distilled, too precious for revealing 
For mean delight's unconsecrated feeling. 

In my life's garden grow^ such flowers as these, 
Unfolding not to sunshine nor to breeze. 
Their outer semblance to the world fair shown, 
Their inner beauty seen of God alone. 



107 



November 1st. Question is, can I get through 
with this removal (from Newport to Boston) 
and live through it? My Heavenly Friend must 
help me. This departure is a sad one for me, 
for, like John M. Forbes when he left Naushon 
for the last time, I say to myself, "Never again, 
perhaps." Yet my fear is rather that I may live 
too long, losing my faculties, and perhaps bowed 
down with infirmity. Fortunately I feel that 
"God knoweth which is best." 

November 2nd. I leave this dear place to- 
day, thrnking God for a most precious summer, 
and trusting Him for all that is to follow. 



[o8 



Who are you that care for me 
When before my desk I sit, 
Taking measure of my wit, 
Waiting on unmeasured fire 
Which my fellows should inspire? 

Beauty at gay banquet shining? 
Bard in lonely garret pining? 
Not for you my snare is thrown, 
You have idols of your own. 

But to some discouraged spirit 
Which the muse-gift would inherit, 
But for clouding griefs and cares 
Shaming youth with silver hairs, 
Waiter at the closed door 
That shall open nevermore. 

Some worn mother, cradle-weary, 
Wife, whose loveless days grow dreary. 
Dreamer, cheated of fruition, 
Learner, hopeful of tuition. 
Soul, that bravely did begin 
But, encountering mortal sin. 
Withers like a rose that grieves 
O'er the canker in its leaves. 

Boldly unto these I cry: 
"Heaven will not your suit deny. 
Courage draw from Nature's breast : 
Scan the roll of martyrs blest, 

109 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

To a swifter measure move, 
A diviner armor prove; 
Lift thy heart, be of good cheer 
While I whisper in thine ear: 
*Hope forsake not, help is near.* " 



110 



1902 

Sunday, February i6th. Have thought a 
good deal this morning of this cream of genius in 
which the fervent heat of youth fuses conviction 
and imagination and gives the world its great 
masters and masterpieces. It cannot outlast the 
length of human life, of which it is the poetry. 
Age follows it with slow philosophy, but can 
only strengthen the outposts which Youth has 
gained with daring flight. Both are divinely or- 
dained and most blessed. Of the dear Christ the 
world had only this transcendent efllorescence. 
I said to Ames yesterday, "I find in the Hebrew 
prophets all the doctrine which I find in Christ's 
teaching." He said, "Yes, it is there seminally." 
We agreed that it was the life which made the 
difference. 

May joth. I wish now to find time to write 
a sermon on "the glory of God in the face of 
Jesus Christ." 

Sunday, June iSth. . . . O Thou, nearest 
and dearest, help us to feel Thy presence, and to 
make it felt ; help us to feel that Thou art not a 
dream of philosophy, nor a legend of old world 
story, but an ever-present help and consolation, 
the strength of our strength, the life of our souls. 
Help us also to realize the importance of our life 
on earth. What a gift is this! How full of 
beauty, of comfort, and of lessons of deep import ! 

Ill 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Let us not deem what we do of no consequence. 
Let us remember that our work is Thy work, and 
that we must account to Thee for its faithful per- 
formance. Teach us that every task of ours 
faithfully performed will stand upon Thy record, 
and that every neglected one will leave there a 
melancholy blank." 

Saturday, July 5th. (Written to a youngs girl-) 
. . . Get all the education that you can. Cul- 
tivate habits of studious thought with all that 
books can teach. The fulfillment of the nearest 
duty gives the best education. . . . 

July Jith. Finished rough draft of sermon. 
I think that the dear Lord might grant me to 
speak a few times more even if it should shorten 
my term of days a little. 

Monday, November 17th. I had this morn- 
ing so strong a feeling of the goodness of the 
divine Parent in the experience of my life, espe- 
cially of its most trying period, that I had to cry 
out, "What shall I, who have received so much, 
give in return?" I felt that I must show that 
forbearance and forgiveness to others which the 
ever blessed One has shown to me. , . . 



112 



FROM NOTEBOOKS OF 1902 

Notebook No. 4 

All error was in its time intended truth. It 
is on account of this that its removal asks a rev- 
erent hand, not a rash one. 

My best prayer would, I think, be that which 
should ask God to enable me to feel that love 
and reverence for the human race which they 
deserve. 

Notebook No. 12. Good Friday 

This festival appears to me one of the deepest 
that men keep — the great depth of sorrow, not 
only for the sufferings of the dear Christ, but for 
the wickedness and cruelty of which human na- 
ture is capable, as shown in those who persecuted 
him while living, and who put him to an agoniz- 
ing death. I have been thinking now of a day, 
years ago, when I sat with my dear daughter in 
the Garden of Gethsemane, and the remem- 
brance of this dear church was present with me. 
I asked permission to sing a hymn which we have 
often sung in this place : 

"Go to dark Gethsemane, 

Ye who feel the tempter's power." 

But this is also a festival of the brightest hope 
that mortals can know. I feel this to-day espe- 

113 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

cially after hearing the notice read this morning, 
of a meeting in which ministers of so many 
creeds are to come together, Catholic, Jew, Epis- 
copalian and Unitarian, to take counsel concern- 
ing the duty of the State. It seems to me that, 
in the older time, one denomination was afraid 
that the love of God would not suffice for all re- 
ligionists. But now we seem to have reached a 
point at which we perceive something of its 
abundance. It flows and overflows, and could 
fill the whole Universe with its fullness. 

I prayed this morning that I might find to-day 
a real Pentecost — I feel that it has been one. 

(Church of the Disciples — May i8th, 1902. 
I have written this from remembrance, for my- 
self, not for Others.) 



114 



1903 

Tuesday, January 13th. . . . The education 
of a savage race is a slow process. "We our- 
selves do not know how long it took to civilize 
our ancestors, how many aeons there are between 
Babel and Boston." 

April I2th. (After regretting her physical in- 
ability to attend church.) I had ... a feel- 
ing that I could not be banished from God's 
presence, that I should find Him everywhere. 

Wednesday, May 27th. . . . My life has 
been crowned with undeserved blessings and with 
honors which I do my best to deserve. My 
prayer is that death may find me at work for 
something worth working for, but I pray most 
now for those whom I shall leave behind me, 
that their comforts and good service may ever 
increase. . . , 



"^ 



Methought I was a little child 

That came from wandering home at night, 
From errant plays and gambols wild 

To where a hearth was broad and bright. 

Voices of welcome and of cheer 
Brought music to my eager ear, 
And as I knelt for nightly prayer, 
Father and Mother love were there. 



116 



Thursday. May 28th, My prayer for the 
new year of my life beginning to-day is, that in 
some work that I shall undertake I may help to 
make clear the goodness of God to some who 
need to know more of it than they do. . . . 

Monday, June 22nd. 

"The stars against the tyrant fought 
In famous days of old. 
The stars in freedom's banner wrought 
Shall the wide earth enfold." 

Thursday, June 25th. . . . The William James 
book which I finished yesterday left in my mind 
a painful impression of doubt ; a God who should 
be only my better self, or an impersonal pervad- 
ing influence. These were suggestions which 
left me very lonely and forlorn. To-day, as I" 
thought it all over, the God of Abraham, Isaac 
and Jacob seemed to come back to me ; the God 
of Christ, and his saints and martyrs. I said to 
myself: "Let me be steeped in the devotion of the 
psalm, and of Paul's epistles!" I took up 
Coquerel's sermons on the Lord's prayer, simple, 
beautiful; positive. . . . 

Sunday, July 5th. (After a Communion 
service.) ... I said to myself: "I am morally 
a poor, lame, distorted cripple, how can I walk 
in the Christian ranks?" It seemed as if God 
answered, "I have all eternity to straighten you 
out." Then the cup seemed to bring me the 

117 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

very essence of Christ's sacrifice, his very heart's 
blood, so to speak. 



It ^ 



August nth. Have had a wonderful coni 
forting vision of God's love and w^isdom 
seemed to me that this dearest moment might in- 
dicate some trouble near at hand, for which it 
might give me strength and courage. 

August 3 1st. I seemed to have an answer to 
prayer this morning. I had prayed to have a 
fresher sense of Christ's personality in my mind. 
At my early waking I had such a refreshment. 
My mind seemed to follow him in his works and 
words even to the end. 

Sunday, September 6th. . . . The Commu- 
nion service was very comforting. Especially 
did Christ's words come to me, "Abide in me," 
etc. I felt that if I would abide in him, old as 
I am, I could still do some good work. "Yes, 
my strong friend," my heart said, "I will abide in 
thee." . . . 

Sunday, November 8th. . . . In late after- 
noon some visioning, i.e., lying down to rest and 
asking and answering questions in my mind : 

Question: Can anything exceed the delight 
of the first mutual understanding of two lovers? 

Answer : This has its sacredness and its place, 
but even better is the large affection which em- 
braces things human and divine, God and Man. 
Ii8 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Question: Are Saviour and Saints alive now? 

Answer: If you believe that God is just, 
they must be. They gave all for His truth; He 
owes them immortality. These thoughts helped 
and satisfied me, particularly the last one. 

November 29th. This came into my mind, 
apropos of reformers generally. "Dost thou so 
carry thy light as to throw it upon thyself, or 
upon thy themef This appears a legitimate 
question. 

December nth. Had a bright glimpse of the 
overcoming goodness of God in the early morn- 
ing. 



119 



Give me room on your shelf, I pray ; 
Take me down to read some day. 

I've lived in an heroic age, 
And in my mind, as on a page, 
Much of its wondrous way is writ, 
Much of its wisdom and its wit. 
Its holy passion, nobler still, 
Its majesty of human will 
Crystallized in many a deed, 
In many a counsel, good at need. 

We are out of fashion now 
My rhymes and I, oh ! well I trow. 
Year eighteen hundred fifty-three 
Witnessed no bond twixt you and me. 

And yet the sentence I have said 
Was on my infant cradle laid : 

"Write, though nobody should read. 
Speak, tho' not a soul should heed." 

I have written of my day, 
I have said my honest say. 
Suffer me on thy shelf, I pray. 



120 



1904 

January ist. I renew my prayer that I may 
not waste the days which remain to me, few or 
many. 

February yth. ... I came into church in no 
spiritual state of mind, but seemed to say to God : 
"I cannot visit thee, do Thou visit me." . . . 

I spoke of the small beginning. 

. . . What could one man do? He did 
come upon the word which was to resolve all the 
discords of the human world; to show mankind 
that they were natural friends, not enemies, mem- 
bers of one vast household, the family of God's 
children. I said: "This light which was in 
Christ's mind illuminates the whole world with 
its glory. The word spoken, the life lived two 
thousand years ago, is nearer to us than what 
happened last year or last week. It is ever with 
us, the same yesterday, to-day and forever." 

February 14th. I had prayed for some spe- 
cial good thought at church, and found it in a 
vivid feeling of the redeeming power and grace 
of God, through which our errors are remedied 
and our good efforts aided. I thought of my 
own beloved family, deservedly held in honor and 
esteem, and felt how little credit I have deserved 
for this happy result of my married life — the 
splendid, high-toned father, and the divine Provi- 
dence, have filled up what my shortcomings have 
left wanting. 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

April lyth. I have hoped to die quietly in 
this house (in Boston) but it is possible, old as 
I am, that God may have work for me to do else- 
where. If so, I shall be content to fall wherever 
He shall appoint. 

June I2th. Remember to forget j^our trou- 
bles, but don't forget to remember your blessings. 

August 1 6th. Very tired, but will not adver- 
tise the fact. This morning a text came to me 
with uncommon clearness: "God was in Christ, 
reconciling the world to himself." This stamps 
Christianity as a fresh revelation of the divine. 
It was in Christ, and was a power of reconcili- 
ation between the dreaded power of God and 
sinful, imperfect man. 

October 5th. (She quotes some words spoken 
by her before a Peace Congress.) . . . "Let 
me remind you that there is one word even more 
holy than Peace; namely. Justice. It is anterior 
in our intellectual perceptions. The impulse 
which causes men to contend against injustice is 
a divine one, deeply implanted in the human 
breast. It would be wrong to attempt to thwart 
it." . . . My heart was so full that it said to 
me, "At the foot of the cross, there thank God 
for this word given to thee, and ask the dear 
Christ if it was according to his desire." 

October gth. I have felt more strongly than 
ever of late that God is the only comforter. In 
122 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

my rather foolish disappointment about my 
speech on Friday evening, my one cry was, "Thou 
only canst console me for what may have been 
partly my fault," for I should assuredly have 
had leave to speak if I had asked for it. To-day 
has brought me full consolation in a view of what 
I might yet do if life and strength are still 
vouchsafed to me. With this came a sad retro- 
spect of the wasted opportunities of my life. 
These great serious things were always present 
to work for in days in which I exerted myself to 
amuse others and myself too. It is quite true 
that I have never given up serious thought and 
study, but I have not made the serious use of my 
powers which I ought to have made. The Peace 
Congress has left upon my mind a strong impres- 
sion of what the lovers of humanity could accom- 
plish if they were all and always in earnest. I 
seem to hope for a fresh consecration, for oppor- 
tunities truly to serve, and for the continuance of 
that gift of the word which is sometimes granted 
me. 

October 23rd. My last Sunday in this dear 
place. (Oak Glen, Newport.) Thank God 
most earnestly for what I have enjoyed this sea- 
son, and for what He has allowed me to do in 
the way of public service. If I come here no 
more, may blessings rest upon this place where 
my days have been most precious. 

November 6th. Not well enough for church ; 
depression so severe in early morning that I felt 

123 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

I must force myself to render service to some 
one, or else find my days intolerable, so I have 

writ a letter in Italian to , to please 

Maud, who has sent him her book just out. 



124 



1905 

GOOD FRIDAY 

Why is it good? This ever-mournful day 
That saw the Saviour walk his deathward way, 
The cruel cross upon his shoulders bound, 
The robe to mock, the thorny crown to wound. 

Was it not good, a guerdon past belief. 
His loving message to the dying thief, 
The pardon which the Heaven's high Majesty 
Sealed to this wreckage of Humanity? 

Methinks the anguish of that hour was paid 
When the low wretch his supplication made, 
And the meek King, divinely fair and wise. 
Returned it with the gift of Paradise. 

Sunday, January ist. . . . But while I live, 
dear Lord, let me truly live in energetic thought 
and rational action. Bless, I pray thee, my own 
dear family, my blessed country, Christendom 
and all mankind. This is my daily prayer and I 
record it here. Is it amiss that in this prayer my 
own people come first? No, for family affection 
is the foundation of all normal human relation. 
We begin with the Heavenly Father and open 
out to the whole human brotherhood. 

Friday, January 20th. . . . You can't do 
good with a bad action. (Apropos of the shot 

125 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

fired at the Czar.) The reason why a little 
knowledge is dangerous is that your conceit of it 
may make you refuse to learn more. 



Sunday, February 5th. ... At Communion 
I asked earnestly for a word and this came to me : 

"Christ wished to be remembered, a human 
trait in which he shows his sympathy with us. 
Do we not all desire to be remembered ? When 
we approach the limits which will separate us 
from familiar scenes and belongings, do we not 
wish to remain a living presence in the mind of 
our friends? Christ did not desire this for his 
own sake only. He knew how precious is the 
element of personality, how much more easily we 
should follow his doctrine and example, if we 
should cherish a personal remembrance of him. 
In other speculations on religious topics our 
thoughts grow dim and vague. It is so hard to 
think clearly on these great mysteries of spiritual 
life and relation. This Communion brings bacK 
to our minds *'the glory of God in the face of 
Jesus Christ." We are in the presence of the 
living Father, of the dear Brother. We are 
again at that solemn feast in the upper chamber 
at Jerusalem. We see the bread that was broken, 
the cup Vv^hich was tasted in bitterness, but which 
was destined to become a cup of resplendent joy 
and glory for all mankind. We feel the pres- 
ence which was promised to be with us to the end 
of the world." 
126 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Sunday, February I2th. (After a concert.) 
. . . The thought that God had set all human 
life and work to music overpowered me, and 
coming home I had a rhapsody of thanksgiving 
for the wonderful gift. . . . 

Friday, May 5th. ... I prayed that I might 
never anywhere undertake to speak without 
a true heartfelt word to say. No "sounding 
brass and tinkling cymbal." ... I spoke of 
the necessity for religion inherent in the human 
constitution; the old ideas which made religion 
appear inimical to real life ; of Christ's v/ord 
"That they might have life," and of what our 
church had been to me, "leading me on by sweet 
music." 

Without religion you will never know the real 
beauty and glory of life; you will perceive the 
discords, but miss the harmony; will see the de- 
fects, but not the good in all things. . . . 

May 27th. My 86th birthday. ... I ask, 
"What shall I render to the Lord for His good- 
ness to me?" He will show me what I shall do, 
for surely He has not granted me this extension 
of life and of working power for no good end. 

June nth. Whitsunday at the dear Church 
of the Disciples. Our last Communion service 
in that dear place (i.e. before removing to a 
new building). It was given to me to say 
these words: "I have been asking myself how 

127 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

people like most of us can have any true idea 
of goodness, perfect and divine. As I entered 
this dear place the thought came to me that we 
can only know goodness by love, and we know 
love by its gifts. So on this consecrated day we 
recognize the love of God in the gifts of God, by 
His Providence which in dark ages stirred up for 
us inspired souls; the glorious law-giver Moses, 
the Hebrew prophets, and him in whom their 
prophecies culminated, the Christ who is coming 
to his own to rule the world. Perhaps the great- 
est gift of all is that God has given us the power 
to work with Him, so that we are not only the 
heirs of the ages (but) of His revelations which 
have been handed down from one generation to 
another. He has enabled us to give as well as to 
receive, and thus even in the humblest way to 
add something to the gifts, beyond words, beyond 
thought, beyond measure, with which God has 
made us rich." . . . Dear Lord, grant me a 
new Pentecost, a fresh inspiring. 

Tuesday, September 5th. Some bright mo- 
ments to-day. At my prayer a thought of the 
divine hand reaching down over the abyss of evil 
to rescue despairing souls. At my reading a 
thought of the great spiritual presence which 
made itself felt by the writers of the psalms, and 
a persuasion of the infinite beneficence of God, 
all most consoling and uplifting. 

Saturday, October 2 1 St. . . . "Love to learn 
and learn to love." 
128 



THE NEW HYMN 
May 30, 1905 

With echoes of a time long past, 

With images that ne'er decay, 
With grief in mold of gloiy cast, 

Draws near our Decoration Day. 

Hushed be the hum of toil and thrift, 
Unheard the boast of ease and wealth ; 

A distant music should uplift 

The pulse of man's diviner health. 

Sound, Bugle, but no more to call 
The gathering legions to their task. 

Flowers, bloom your brightest, though you fall 
Where sculptured stones a burial mask. 

With noiseless footsteps on they come. 

With aspect solemn and severe, 
As answering taps of muffled drum, 

The Heroes of the Past appear. 

Oh! silent Phalanx! did we heed 
The deathless message that you bring, 

Armed should we be for every need, 
Trained for great Duties' marshaling. 

"We who our blooming manhood gave 
To keep our Country's promise true. 

Salute you; from each warrior grave. 
Our pledge of brotherhood renew. 

129 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

"Never for empty sound of fame, 
Never for heaps of sordid gold, 

Never for popular acclaim 

Be the Land's sacred birthright sold. 

"Be this the lesson of our fight, 
So plain that many reading, run : 

Rise ever up for human right, 

And rest in God vi^hen Right has won." 



130 



Monday, October 23rd. . . . "Thou hast 
given me the heritage of those that fear Thy 
name." Psalms 61 ;5. 

A good text for a sermon on reverence for the 
wisdom of the past. This also occurred to me: 
"There is no shadow without a substance, no 
reflection without an object. ErgOj the image of 
God which is shadowed here, reflected there, in 
the human mind throughout the ages, is not an 
empty chimera, but represents a vital and abid- 
ing fact. As the years behind me grow in num- 
ber, I find myself depending more and more upon 
this persuasion of God in the past." 

November igth. (After the dedication of the 
new Church of the Disciples.) ... I had 
prayed God to give me a good word and I had 
done my best to find one, so I spoke with more 
confidence than usual, and felt sure I did not 
speak in vain. A heart-response seemed to come 
from the congregation, and I said to myself, 
"The shaft was polished." 

December Jist . . . "Ye show the Lord's 
death till he come." What is the Lord's death 
which we are to show? It is the death to self 
and sense, to all that is base, selfish and unworthy 
in our nature, so mixed with good and evil. 
Paul said: "I die daily." Sleep is an image of 
this death. It brings a blessed resurrection, a 
new beginning with renewed hope and effort. 

131 



1906 

March 31st. Was low in my mind in P.M., 
but had a happy lighting up when I lay down 
for afternoon rest. Feel the immensity of God's 
goodness, and took heart for the future. 

July 25th. I had a severe time at waking, re- 
membering so much left undone, and the rest of 
it. What can comfort us but the goodness of 
God, in view of our own shortcomings? 

Friday, October 26th. Had a sudden blessed 
thought this morning, viz.: that the tabernacle 
"Eternal in the Heavens" is the eternity of truth 
and right. I naturally desire life after death, 
but if it is not granted me, I have yet a part in 
the eternal glory of this tabernacle. 

Tuesday, November 13th. I had this morn- 
ing a sudden thought or glimpse of the goodness 
of God, which made me feel that He can give us 
all of Heaven in one instant of time, if He so 
pleases. I ought to do a better day's work for 
.this vision, which indeed had nothing visual in it, 
only an instantaneous suggestion. 



132 



AT CHURCH 

Within the many mansions 

That God's dear love doth keep, 

Where is the darksome closet 
That hides the miser's heap ? 

I saw the miser walking 

With others, robed in white. 

No frown upon his forehead. 
His features all alight. 

"Oh, friend, where is thy treasure, 
Gathered in many a year?" 

"I'm richer far without it ; 
We want no money here." 



133 



(From a notebook) 

"The Sabbath is my best debt to the Past, and 
binds me to some gratitude still. It brings me 
that frankincense out of a sacred antiquity." 
R. W. Emerson's funeral. 

The Church of Christ is no completed thing, 
but a perpetual protest against evil never van- 
quished, and a promise towards a kingdom of 
Heaven never reached. 



134 



1907 

January ist. I earnestly pray for God's 
blessing on this year. . . . The dear Father 
has done so much better for me, in many ways, 
than I have ingenuity to wish that I can only say, 
"Thy will be done, only desert me not.'* 

September 2yth. Had quite a visioning dur- 
ing my noontime "lie-down." Transported with 
gratitude for the blessings of life to me and to 
all people. Prayed for some way of expressing 
this gratitude in word or deed. Seemed to get 
in answer the text, "Few and evil have the days 
of my pilgrimage been" to preach from, express- 
ing the contrary feeling on my part, as my days 
have been many and full of good, in spite of my 
own grievous shortcomings. 

'November 3rd. To my dear church. It was 
Communion Sunday, and dear C. G. A. told me 
in an undertone that I might have my usual lib- 
erty. So I think that the dear Lord helped me to 
say a few words about the divine hospitality which 
gives us this feast, "which is the Lord's supper, 
and he has made it ours, an invitation which 
has lasted nigh upon two thousand years and still 
holds good!" 

November 15th. It occurs to me that it 
might be more blessed to help the souls in hell 
than to luxuriate with saints in heaven. 

135 



1908 

January ist. My first word in this record of 
a new year must be a prayer to the Heavenly 
Father that I may waste none of the precious 
time granted me to so unusual an extent. The 
last year was rich in work and experience. I 
scarcely dare to hope for another as fruitful in 
both of these regards, but I shall hope that in it 
I may do my best with such ability as God may 
grant me. I do pray to this end. Amen, amen. 

January I2th. A heavily rainy morning. 
Could not go to church. Had prayed the dear 
Father to give me this one more poem, a verse 
for this year's Decoration Day, asked for by 
Amos Wells of Christian Endeavor belonging. 
I took my pen and the poem came quite spon- 
taneousl)^ It seemed an answer to my prayer, 
but I hold fast the thought that the great Christ 
asked no sign from God and needed none, so 
deeply did he enter into life divine. I also 
thought regarding Christ and Moses, that we 
must be content that a certain mystery should 
envelop these heroic figures of human history. 
Our small measuring tape or rod is not for them. 
If they were not exactly what we take them to 
be, let us deeply reverence the human mind whicB 
has conceived and built up such splendid and im- 
mortal ideals. Was not Christ thinking of some- 
thing like this when he made the sin against the 
Holy Ghost and its manifestations the only un- 
136 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

pardonable error? He surely did not mean to 
say that it was beyond the repentance which is 
the earnest of forgiveness to every sin. 

February 2nd, . . . Communion service, at 
which this word was granted me. "I have been 
thinking of two things very different from each 
other, yet with the same meaning. First, the 
theory of some philosophers, that the distinctions 
of time result simply from our modes of thinking. 
We can only bear our weight of thought by day's 
lengths, while the eternal present is ever here. 
The other is the word of the Psalmist, that to 
God a thousand years are as yesterday when i£ 
is past, or as a watch in the night, only a frag- 
ment of the twenty-four hours. How near does 
this thought bring our commemoration to that 
last supper, Christ and his disciples! It is only 
these two years of God away. The wish that we 
could feel his very sorrow, that divine sorrow 
over the sin and suffering of mankind, and this 
long way that the human race must travel before 
it can even see the way out of it. And with this 
suffering, the divine joy mixed with it, the joy 
of knowing that the victory of Good over Evil is 
sure, that the way of mankind is God-ward, in 
spite of all our ignorance and evil. Would not 
our two-fold vision determine us each to place 
society upon a higher level, each to do what he 
can to help lift this common weight?" People 
thanked me much for these words, for which I 
thank God. 

137 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

March JOth. On lying down for my usual 
rest, I was seized with a fit of visioning such as 
I have not had in a long time. My thought was 
that Christ saw the world as God sees it. My 
prayer, that I might once, if only for a moment, 
see it thus. I tried to express this in some poor 
halting rhymes which I will try later to improve. 

May 3rd. Another churchless Sunday. Ah 
me! Don't let me get the habit of not going! 

(N. B. She was physically unable to go atl 
this time.) 

November 28th. Have been much troubled 
of late by uncertainties about life beyond the 
present. Quite suddenly, very recently, it oc- 
curred to me to consider that Christ understood 
that spiritual life would not end with death, and 
that his expressed certainty as to the future life 
was founded upon his discernment of spiritual 
things. So, in so far as I am a Christian, I must 
believe in the immortality of the soul, as our 
Master surely did. I cannot understand why I 
have not thought of this before. I think now 
that I shall nevermore lose sight of it. 

November 2gth. . . . The dear minister's 
sermon was upon the great Faith chapter of the 
Epistle to the Hebrews. . . . Taking all this 
with my meditations, I feel as if I were placed in 
the saddle again, as if a firm hand had lifted and 
placed me there. 

138 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

December gth. Wrote screed for Simmons 
College: "And God saw all that He had made, 
and behold, it was very good." Not to lose the 
good in the world through ignorance of it. 



139 



1909 

March 3rd, Our experience of the goodness 
of God in our daily life assures us of His mercy 
hereafter, and seeing God everywhere, we shall 
dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

March 2yth. Had to-day a little bit of vision- 
ing with which I think that I could willingly de- 
part, when my time comes. The dreadful fear 
of being buried alive disappeared for a time and 
I saw only the goodness of God, to which it 
seemed that I could trust all question of the fu- 
ture life. I said to myself: "The best will be for 
thee and me." 

April 8th. My prayer for this Easter is that 
I may not waste the inspiration of Spring. This 
may very easily be my last on earth. God pre- 
pare me for what shall be ! 

July 4th. I had a good meditation of which 
I will record a little here. The three great 
questions of our spiritual thought are these: 
whence, whither, where ? Whence come we and 
the order of our Day? Whither do we journey 
and where do we arrive? To all three the an- 
swer seems to me to be "God." The fundamen- 
tal doctrine of Christianity is the compatibility 
of all real human interests. We must study till 
we find the secret of this. Machines do much 
toward this reconciliation. I think even that 
140 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

Governor Draper's automatic loom may prove 
a step in the true direction since it releases so 
many humans from the necessity of bodily fa- 
tigue and risk. Query: What becomes of the 
humans who used to tend the looms? How can 
we every day have the consciousness of God 
which is essential to true worship ? 

August 3rd. A soupqon of east^wind brought 
me very foolish vagaries of mind, which soon 
gave way to better thoughts. I seemed to say to 
God, ''If any one I know was as sorry as I am 
for all that has been amiss with my life, I think 
I should forgive him or her." 

Had a delightful sitting under my tree with 
the last verse of the twenty-third Psalm. 

October I2th. Think it was to-day that in 
lying down a sudden feeling of my errors and 
shortcomings in life seemed to give me a most 
blessed assurance of God's Fatherhood. I desire 
to recall this often. 

October 30th. Have had what I may call a 
spasm of gratitude to God for His great good- 
ness to me, sitting in my pleasant little parlor 
with the lovely golden trees in near view, and 
the devotion of my children and great kindness 
of my friends well in mind. Oh, help me, divine 
Father, to merit even a very little of Thy kind- 
ness! 

141 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

December 25th. Thanks to God who gave us 
the blessed Christ ! What a birthday was this ! 
Two thousand years have only increased our 
gratitude for it. How it has consecrated Baby- 
hood and Maternity! Two infants, grown to 
man's estate, govern the civilized world to-day, 
Christ and Moses. I am thankful to be still 
here in the flesh as they were once. Oh ! that I 
may never pass where they are not. 



142 



TO PHILOSOPHY 

I have served thee like a slave, 
Took whate'er thy right hand gave. 
With thy holy robes of state 
I my meanness did not mate, 
Counterfeiting wise and great. 

But I might remove the dust 
Gathered, and the mournful rust, 
Where, unmarked of careless eye, 
Thy neglected glories lie. 

Once I saw a serving-maid 
Dead, in goodly garb arrayed. 
From her earnings she had saved 
Gold, and these last splendors craved. 

So when I am dead and gone, 
Robe thou me, O holy one! 
Let thy sacred livery 
O'er my marble features lie; 
Service in thy noble house 
Fill my record, pay my vows. 



143 



1910 

April 1st. Very much tossed up and down 
about my poem for James Freeman Clarke's cen- 
tenary. ... I repeated to that I had ar- 
rived at the conclusion that to help the religious 
progress of mankind was to give them the great- 
est benefaction. I said: "That may be the most 
frequent taste, but it is the rarest talent." 

April 3rd. . . . Coughed in the night and at 
waking. Suffered much in mind, fearing that a 
wild fit of coughing might make my reading (of 
her poem for Dr. Clarke's Centenary) unaccept- 
able and even ridiculous. Imagine my joy when 
I found my voice clear and even strong, and 
read the whole poem (forty-four lines), without 
the slightest inclination to cough. This really 
was the granting of my prayer, and my first 
thought about it was: "What shall I render 
to the Lord for all His goodness to me?" I 
thought: "I will interest myself more efficiently 
in the great questions which concern Life and 
Society at large." 

May 27th. . . . What dare I ask for more? 
Only that I may do something in the future to 
deserve all this love and gratitude. I have in- 
tended to deserve it all and more, yet when in 
thought I review my life, I feel the waste 
and loss of power through want of outlook. 
144 



MEDITATION 

My temple has a lofty roof 
Wherein all planets are at home: 
My sight, which holds a world aloof, 
Still fails to circumscribe Its dome: 
While verdure-covered pines and larches 
Astounding columns rear, and arches. 

The floor of emeralds, gold-embossed. 
Is swept and garnished, free of cost, 
Its music-pipes the birds supply, 
Singing like angels as they fly. 
Where is Its altar's watch and ward? 
Dear God ! it Is not veiled or barred. 
Where'er a penitent shall kneel, 
A contrite heart Its burthen feel. 
Or where pure spirits, glad and free. 
Thrill with the touch of ecstasy. 
Refuge of rapture or despair. 
There waits true worship : God is there. 



145 



UNDATED FRAGMENTS 

(1 he following prayer was written in August, 
1 910, at the request of an American woman, mar- 
ried in British Columbia, who had formed a club 
of American women for patriotic purposes.) 

August. O Thou whose gifts are beyond 
words, Thou in whose merciful Fatherhood we 
are content to rest, help us to know that 
Thou art near us to-day and every day of 
our mortal lives! Thou hast wonderfully 
framed us with capacities for good and for evil, 
opened to us the knowledge of good and evil, 
for noble progress or for selfish indolence and 
infirmity of purpose, and hast endowed us with 
power to pursue the one and to avoid and oppose 
the other. Give us, we pray Thee, that strength 
which can come from Thee alone, that faith in 
the power of good deeds and purposes which can 
enable us to overcome the infirmities of our 
nature and not only to acquiesce in Thy will, but 
to be zealous for its fulfillment. May a sense 
of the true values of life restrain us from all 
unfruitful wanderings from the way appointed 
for us. Give us the patience of Thy saints, the 
wisdom of Thy prophets, the self-devotion of Thy 
martyrs, and let our weekly worship place us 
within the limits of the great church universal 
which embraces Divine Love and human service. 

O, Thou whose best gifts are best in that 
they reveal Thyself, be pleased to continue to us, 
146 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

residents in a strange country, the mighty in- 
heritance of our own dear land. The truths 
made known to saints of old on mountain tops 
of prayer, or in the wholesome valleys of humility, 
let them guide our feet in the sincerity of 
wisdom. Never let us doubt that Thy loving 
foresight encircles our path with a principle of 
defense which cannot be gainsaid nor overcome. 
May we hold as our greatest treasure the truth 
that Humanity is one, and that to keep its glori- 
ous domain, regard must be had to what each 
may claim from all and all from each, freedom, 
sympathy, and justice. Let us remember that 
our lives are not ours to waste in unfruitful 
pleasure, but in loving service, which we shall 
perform, as Thou, our God, shalt instruct and 
guide us, in the name of Thy m.ighty ones who 
have overcome the deceitful and selfish world, 
and are gathered in the priceless harvest. 



H7 



(An answer to the question: "What is reli- 
gion r') 

I should say, religion is the loving recognition 
of the right, and the resolution to aid, further 
and exemplify it by grateful and willing service 
to the Divine and the Humane history of Re- 
ligions shows the progress of the race, but in it 
all, the permanence of certain convictions. The 
tables of Moses still rule the civilized world, 
and the Christian church still rehearses them with 
the doctrines of its Founder. But Christ dares 
to point out the limitations of Moses, and the 
strength of his gravamen against the Jews lies 
in their failure to recognize the teachings of the 
later time. In their blind and literal interpreta- 
tion of the sacred traditions they fail to discern 
and follow its true guidance. Moses, for the 
hardness of their hearts, delivered to them the 
precepts which they were able to follow, but the 
new and divine interpretation of the spirit of the 
divine law pointed to new duties and required of 
them fresh sacrifices and efforts, and so I should 
say that any religion which prohibits the onward 
movement of the human mind and conscience is 
so far wanting in one important element of 
Religion, the onward impulse of Faith and Hope. 
Where this is wanting, the third and greatest, 
Charity, is usually also wanting. 

The cruelties of human judgment, of human 
criticism, are all doomed to give place to a can- 
did spirit of justice. Those functions are per- 
148 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

petual in society, but they can be so exercised 
as to kill, in the one instance, to cure in the other. 
The cup of Christian Communion appears to me 
the pledge of this reconciled and redeemed hu- 
manity. It is the Holy Grail, and all shall taste 
it and with it taste the sweetness of self-sacrifice, 
of self-surrender. 

Life is something, while the senses heed 

The spirit's call; 
Life is nothing, when our grosser need 

Engulfs it all. 



149 



BEYOND THE VEIL* 

I am invited to write a paper of some two 
thousand words on the subject of Immortality. 
I accept this invitation to discourse in print upon 
a theme which has long been familiar to me. I 
believe that some part of me is immortal. I 
have always so believed. It should be easy to 
give some account of the why and v/herefore of 
this belief, yet, strange to say, I do not find it 
so. The effort of many da5^s has only produced 
a certain set of disjointed statements which, 
although in no wise contradictory to one an- 
other, cannot, with my poor skill, be made to 
introduce and explain one another. Perhaps the 
best thing I can attempt will be to examine 
briefly what I really think about a future life, 
and, if possible, why I think so and not other- 
wise. 

To begin, then, with the simple notions of my 
childhood. I was born in a world in which the 
belief in a future life was almost unquestioned. 
The blessedness of heaven and the torment of 
hell were presented to my infant imagination as 
the ultimates of my good or ill conduct in every- 
day life. Like most other children, I believed 
what I was told, and in general tried to obey 
the commands of my elders. I loved to hear 
about the heavenly life, which somehow seemed 

* Copyright 1910. Reprinted from In After Days 
by permission of Harper & Brothers, owners of the 
copyright. 

150 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

to furnish the skyscape of my days as they were 
added in weeks, months, and years. I recall 
having once made an offering to the God of my 
childish prayers. The altar was a little stool, 
the sacrifice some small objects which I supposed 
to be of value. I remember also refusing to 
say my prayers to a new nursery assistant, be- 
cause it did not appear to me fitting to take 
a stranger into my confidence, a scruple which 
the authorities of the same nursery speedily 
overruled. 

Wordsworth has said: 

"Heaven lies about us in our infancy," 
And "trailing clouds of glory do we come 
From God, who is our home." 

And later, Emerson says of Michel Angelo, 

"Himself from God he could not free." 

Even so naturally did my idea of merit include 
a divine Absolute, whom to please or displease 
would furnish the tests of good or ill con- 
duct. 

Let us pass over many years of experience, 
individual, mostly not unusual, and come to 
where the enlightened intellect of the twen- 
tieth century finds itself obliged to stand. It 
is perforce an age of question, and all thought 

151 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

which penetrates below the surface of things- 
must take this attitude of interrogation, which 
should be reverent, and which may be insolent. 
In the first place, this wonder book, the Bible. 
Is it an exception to all human rules and laws 
of action? Did the ancient chroniclers do their 
best to set down the record of Creation and its 
consequences? Did the psalmist, the prophet, 
the moralist, each in turn contribute his highest 
human power of expression and forethought to 
this marvelous treasure of an Eastern people? 
Or did the living God of Israel dictate the vol- 
ume, chapter and verse, to scribes especially 
selected? Once this question would have been 
held to be impious. Now it is inevitable ; and if 
the Book is a human work its contents must 
be judged by human standards. 

Supposing this to be so decided, the systems 
of promise and threat which men have built upon 
it are also without the authority of the abso- 
lute, and our dreams of an endless future of 
recompense, painful or pleasurable, for the deeds 
done in the body, have all the qualities of dreams 
and none other. 

What then? Have we lost our God? Never 
for one moment. Unspeakable, He is; the benef- 
icent parent, the terrible, incorruptible judge, 
the champion of the innocent, the accuser of the 
guilty, refuge, hope, redeemer, friend; neither 
palace walls nor prison cells can keep Him out. 
Every step of our way from the birth hour He 
has gone with us. Were we at the gallows' 
152 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

foot, and deservedly, He would leave a sweet 
drop in the cup of death. He would measure 
suffering to us, but would forbid despair. The 
victory of goodness must be complete. The lost 
sheep must be found — ay, and the lost soul must 
turn to the way in which the peace of God 
prevails. We learn the dreadful danger of those 
who wander from the right path, but we may 
also learn the redeeming power which recalls 
and reclaims them. 

So fade our heavens and hells. Christ, if he 
knew their secrets, did not betray them. On 
the boundless sea of conjecture we are still afloat, 
with such mental tools as we possess to guide 
us, with the skies, the stars, the seasons, seeking 
a harbor from which no voyager has ever re- 
turned. 

So much, the later schemes of thought have 
taken from us. Shall we ask what they have 
given us in exchange for what we have lost? 

It seems a little strange that with the ac- 
cumulated wisdom and power of the ages a far- 
mer's son of Massachusetts should have been 
the first clearly to enunciate this important 
phrase, "The transient and permanent in reli- 
gion." We must have known of this distinction 
all along. In all that we think, and in much 
that we believe, constant growth and metamor- 
phosis take place. Paul says, "When I was a 
child, I thought as a child ; I believed as a child." 
How full of beauty were these visions of child- 
hood, but also how evanescent, each evolving it- 

153 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

self into one more advanced in thought, in 
understanding, until the moment in which Love 

"Smote the chord of self, that trembling 
Passed in music out of sight." 

Does our acquaintance w^ith this wonder world 
terminate with the days and years of our age? 
Shall death forever divide us from all the 
marvelous story of our spiritual experiences of 
evil seeming for a time to prevail, of the blessed 
eternal good whose conquest of evil is certain 
and final? 

Tell us, you stars mysteriously hung to 
measure the depths of the heavens. Tell us, 
thou pitiable, shameful way of excess and error, 
with thy heroic redemption. Let the Jew speak: 

"Whither shall I go from Thy presence? If 
I ascend into heaven. Thou art there. If I make 
my bed in hell, behold! Thou art there also." 

Let the apostle speak: "Who shall separate us 
from the love of Christ?" In all these things 
we are conquerors, through Him that loved 
us, and loving once, loves ever. 

To me has been granted a somewhat unusual 
experience of life. Ninety full years have been 
measured off to me, their lessons and opportu- 
nities unabridged by wasting disease or gnawing 
poverty. I have enjoyed general good health, 
comfortable circumstances, excellent company, 
and the incitements to personal effort which 
civilized society offers to its members. For this 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

life and its gifts I am, I hope, devoutly thank- 
ful. I came into this world a hopeless and 
ignorant bit of humanity. I have found in it 
many helps tov^^ard the attainment of my full 
human stature, material, mental, moral. In this 
slow process of attainment many features have 
proved transient. Visions have come and gone. 
Seasons have bloomed and closed, passions have 
flamed and faded. Something has never left me. 
My relation to it has suffered many changes, 
but it still remains, the foundation of my life, 
light in darkness, consolation in ill fortune, guide 
in uncertainty. 

In the nature of things, I must soon lose sight 
of this sense of constant metamorphosis whose 
limits bound our human life. How about this 
unchanging element? Will it die when I shall 
be laid in earth? The visible world has no 
answer to this question. For it, dead is dead, 
and gone is gone. But a deep spring of life 
within me says: ''Look beyond. Thy days 
numbered hitherto register a divine promise. Thy 
mortal dissolution leaves this promise unful- 
filled, but not abrogated. Thou mayst hope that 
all that made thy life divine will live for thine 
immortal part." 

I have quoted Theodore Parker's great word, 
and have made no attempt, so far, to bring into 
view considerations which may set before us 
the fundamental distinction between what in 
human experience passes and what abides. 

In the first place, human life passes, like other 

155 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

life. The splendid blossom, the noble fruit. In- 
quire into its power and glory after two-thirds 
of a century have passed over it. You will find 
weakness instead of strength, the mournful attar 
of memory replacing as it can the fresh fra- 
grance of hope. The bowed form suggests the 
segment of a mystic circle. The restricted mind 
turns its tools into toys. "They did not measure 
the infinite for us. Let us get from their uses 
such pleasures as we can." 

Life passes, but the conditions of life do not. 
Air, food, water, the moral sense, the mathemat- 
ical problem and its solution. These things wait 
upon one generation much as they did upon its 
predecessor. What, too, is this wonderful resid- 
uum which refuses to' disappear when the very 
features of time seem to succumb to the law 
of change, and we recognize our world no more ? 
Whence comes this system in which man walks as 
in an artificial frame, every weight and lever of 
which must correspond with the outlines of an 
eternal pattern? 

Our spiritual life appears to include three 
terms in one. They are ever with us, this Past 
which does not pass, this Future which never ar- 
rives. They are part and parcel of this conscious 
existence which we call Present. While Past 
and Future have each their seasons of predomin- 
ance, both are contained in the moment which 
is gone while w^e say, "It is here." 

So the Eternal is with us, whether we will or 
not, and the idea of God is inseparable from the 
ij6 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

persuasion of immortality ; the Being which, per- 
fect in itself, can neither grow nor decline, nor 
indeed undergo any change whatever. The great 
Static of the universe, the rationale of the stead- 
fast faith of believing souls, the sense of beauty 
which justifies our high enjoyments, the sense of 
proportion which upholds all that we can think 
about ourselves and our world, the sense of per- 
manence which makes the child in very truth 
parent to the man, able to solve the deepest riddle, 
the profoundest problem in all that is. Let us 
then willingly take the Eternal with us in our 
flight among the suns and stars. 

Experience is our great teacher, and on this 
point it is wholly wanting. No one on the far- 
ther side of the great Divide has been able to in- 
form those on the hither side of what lies beyond. 

Yet our whole life, rightly interpreted, shows 
us the never-failing mercy of a divine Parent. 
We may ask, "Whither shall I go from Thy 
presence?" And we may answer, ''Surely, good- 
ness and mercy shall follow me all the days of 
my eternal life, and I shall dwell in the house 
of the Lord forever." 

The anticipation of a life beyond the grave so 
belongs to our human mastery over the condi- 
tions of animal life that it seems to be an integral 
part of our human endowment. 

We feel something in us that cannot die when 
blood and brain, muscle and tissue, have reached 
the brief and uncertain term of their service. For 
so long, the body can perform its functions and 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

hold together, but what term is set for the soul ? 
Nothing in its make-up foretokens a limited ex- 
istence. Its sentence would seem to be, "Once 
and always." 

The promise of a future life is held to have 
such prominence in Christ's teaching as to lead 
Paul to say that the Master "brought life and 
immortality to light." How did he do this? 
By filling the life of to-day with the consciousness 
of eternal things, of truths and principles which 
would not change if the whole visible universe 
were to pass away. 

No one to-day, I think, will maintain that 
Christ created the hope which he aroused to an 
activity before undreamed of. The majority of 
the Jews believed in a life after death, as is shown 
by the segregation of the Sadducees from the 
orthodox of the synagogue. The new teaching 
vindicated the spiritual rights and interests of 
man. From the depths of his own heart was 
evolved the consciousness of a good that could 
not die. Man, the creature of a day, has a vested 
interest in things eternal. The solid principles 
upon which the social world is organized, the 
laws of which Sophocles makes Antigone say that 
"they are not of to-day nor yesterday." 

Creatures of a day as we seem, there is that in 
us which is older than the primeval rocks, than 
the ^v\rj out of which this earth, our temporary 
dwelling-place, was made. The reason which 
placed the stars, the sense of proportion which 
we recognize in the planetary system, finds its 
ij8 



THE WALK WITH GOD 

correspondence in this brain of ours. We ques- 
tion every feature of what we see, think, and 
feel. We try every link of the chain and find it 
sound if we ourselves are sound. This power of 
remotest question and assent is not of to-day nor 
yesterday. 

It transcends all bounds of time and space. It 
weighs the sun, explores the pathway of the stars, 
and writes, having first carefully read, the history 
of earth and heaven. It moves in company with 
the immortals. How much of it is mortal? 
Only so much as a small strip of earth can cover. 
These remains are laid away with reverence, hav- 
ing served their time. But what has become of 
the wonderful power which made them alive ? It 
belongs to that in nature which cannot die. 

A babe wept on the borders of the Nile, a 
foundling, destined for death, but fated to dictate 
rules of action to the human world. How did 
this come about ? The babe, rescued and grown 
to manhood, has come upon something as un- 
changeable as the law of numbers. 

O, baby in the Nile shadows, wiser than the 
Sphinx ; O, saint in the Athenian prison ; O, dis- 
coverer of the second birth, regenerator of man- 
kind — what do you teach us ? The eternal hope 
which lies in God's eternal goodness. What is 
best for thee and me will be. 



159 



(From a letter.) 

**0, do you know how beautiful that austere 
vision of death looks to one quite bewildered with 
the perplexities of life, how consoling, how sooth- 
ing the thought of that sleep of new creation? 
All the gifts of God are good — ^were it not 
strange if He kept not the best for the last?" 



160 



ENDEAVOR 

'What hast thou for thy scattered seed, 

O Sower of the plain? 
Where are the many gathered sheaves 

Thy hope should bring again?" 
"The only record of my work 

Lies in the buried grain." 

"O Conqueror of a thousand fields ! 

In dinted armor dight, 
What growths of purple amaranth 

Shall crown thy brow of might?" 
"Only the blossom of my life, 

Flung widely in the fight." 

"What is the harvest of thy saints, 

God! who dost abide? 
Where grow the garlands of thy chiefs 

In blood and sorrow dyed? 
What have thy servants for their pains?" 

"This only, — to have tried." 



161 



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